IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie charts below show the average household expenditure in japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditure in japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
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The pie chart demonstrates the mediocre homestead spending in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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 in 2010. The essay describes the main points and compares the key information.
Overall
Linking Words
, the significant cost of household other goods and services and food in
Japan
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, contrast in
Malaysia
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 housing is the prominent sector where they spend more finance.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the expenditure on healthcare and transport in
Japan
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 was double the figures for
Malaysia
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. With regards to Housing expenditure, the Malaysian people spent a large portion of finance about 34%
whereas
Linking Words
 the trajectory was only 21 per cent cost in
Japan
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, the cost of other goods and services is a significant ratio of about 29% in
Japan
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,
besides
Linking Words
 26% of spending money in
Malaysia
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the amount of food was quite similar about 24% in
Japan
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 and 27 per cent in
Malaysia
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 respectively. Meanwhile, the expenses for transport were about 20% in
Japan
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 which was half in
Malaysia
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. Though the health sector is crucial for individuals, they allocate very negligible amounts of funding
such
Linking Words
 as 6% and 3% proportionately.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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