The world should have only one government rather than a national government for each country. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

The notion of having a merged government across the nations
arises
Wrong verb form
has arisen
show examples
numerous times in
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
discussion
Fix the agreement mistake
discussions
show examples
. As opposed to having individual governing bodies,
this
system
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
might seem more equal for all,
however
the varying and contextualized needs that
such
system
Correct article usage
a system
show examples
will fail to carry makes the disadvantages heavily outweigh the seen advantages. Body 1 - one government As
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
demanding rights in every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
Equal rights among all
countries
, fair trade and - Geographical issues With the diversity of ethnical groups,
religion
Replace the word
religious
show examples
beliefs, and norms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
all
land
Fix the agreement mistake
lands
show examples
, a single ruling party would struggle to establish a common ground to cater
every
Change preposition
for every
show examples
viewpoints
Change to a singular noun
viewpoint
show examples
.
Instead
, a tailored societal approach is profoundly necessary for every
nations
Change to a singular noun
nation
show examples
, making a one-country-one-ruler
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more attractive and fair. Language would bear an issue as well, especially in terms of delivering the standards to achieve an
all around
Add a hyphen
all-around
show examples
dream. In conclusion, an integrated governance for every
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
across the globe may bring perseverance for all men in the utopian preview, but the downsides and holes that it fails to serve are placing it at the latter choice when
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to a specified government for each
countries
Change to a singular noun
country
show examples
.
Submitted by nientjeninan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion structure. Each of these should explicitly outline your main points and reiterate your answer to the question, respectively.
logical structure
The essay does not develop ideas thoroughly and lacks logical sequencing. Each paragraph should contain a clear main idea followed by supporting details and examples.
supported main points
The main points within your body paragraphs are not well-developed with explanations, examples, and supporting details. To improve, focus on expanding your ideas and providing concrete examples or evidence.
complete response
Your response to the task is incomplete. Ensure you address the question directly and fully, covering all aspects of the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are presented unclearly and lack comprehensive development. Work on providing a clearer stance on the topic and expanding on your ideas with well-structured arguments and reasoning.
relevant specific examples
Your essay lacks relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Include clear examples to illustrate your points and strengthen your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • centralized policies
  • international cooperation
  • global economy
  • trade barriers
  • military spending
  • authoritarian control
  • cultural diversity
  • national identities
  • local issues
  • homogenized
  • decision-making
  • democratic representation
  • world peacekeeping force
What to do next:
Look at other essays: