In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, the
growing
of Replace the word
growth
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
food
industry causes the incline of unhealthy
society. Add an article
an unhealthy
Due to
that circumstance, there is an opinion whether
the Change preposition
on whether
government
should apply a higher tax
. I believe,
it is a good solution to decrease fast Remove the comma
apply
food
consumption. The government
should consider this
action due to
the rising of deathly diseases as align
as the increasing of fast Wrong verb form
aligned
food
restaurant
. Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
Furthermore
, higher
Add an article
the higher
tax
will make the fast Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
food
price up, then
atleast
Correct your spelling
at least
consumer
will think twice Fix the agreement mistake
consumers
to buy
it.
Fast Change preposition
about buying
food
is a crucial problem that we face as their negative
impact on health. When Correct article usage
a negative
people
eat too much fast food
, it will rise
their chance Verb problem
increase
to get
serious health problems. Change preposition
of getting
For instance
, they can suffer from cholestrol
, Correct your spelling
cholesterol
diabets
, and even obesity. Not only that, but fast Correct your spelling
diabetes
food
also
can make people
face nutritional deficiencies because they do not contain an
adequate nutrition Remove the article
apply
to
Change preposition
for
human
to consume.
If Fix the agreement mistake
humans
government
Correct article usage
the government
implies
a higher Verb problem
imposes
tax
on fast food
, the consumption on
that kind of Change preposition
of
food
will reduce. People
, especially that
Correct determiner usage
those
Correct pronoun usage
who comes
comes
from middle to Correct subject-verb agreement
come
lower income
groups, are more sensitive to the Add a hyphen
lower-income
food
price
that they pay. Fix the agreement mistake
prices
Therefore
, they will more
consider Correct quantifier usage
apply
to buy
fast Change the verb form
buying
food
and likely choose another
cheaper Correct quantifier usage
other
food
options.
In conclusion, due to
the serious problems that fast
Correct article usage
the fast
food
industry make
, Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
government
should fix the regulation of increasing the Add an article
the government
tax
. By the tax
dramatic change, we wish
it will influence Verb problem
hope
people
purchase decisions, and support society to have Change noun form
people's
more
healthy lifestyle.Add an article
a more
Submitted by mmmuuu on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction sets up the topic and specifically addresses the issue of government taxing fast food without being too general. Your conclusion should also reflect on the arguments presented without introducing new information.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow of ideas throughout the essay. This could be achieved by using a wider range of linking words and clear topic sentences that highlight the main idea of each paragraph.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. You mentioned health issues like cholesterol, diabetes, and obesity without elaborating their direct link to fast food. Provide specific instances or data to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Expand on your ideas by explaining the underlying reasons and consequences related to the topic. For example, discuss the broader social impact of fast food consumption beyond health, such as environmental concerns or economic issues related to dietary habits.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!