IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Technological development in earlier times brought more changes to the life of ordinary people then recent technological development have brought? Do you agree or disagree?

The
lives
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 of general
people
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 have been positively impacted by technological
advancement
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 in the past compared to the present. Technological
advancement
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 was required for the
development
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 of the past society and life of
people
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.
However
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, I personally agree with
this
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 viewpoint believing that, the present fast
development
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 of
technology
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 is mostly harming the
lives
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 of
people
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instead
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 of benefitting them. Throughout the 19th century, technological
advancement
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 was introduced and during the 20th and 21st centuries, it brought a great change in the
lives
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 of
people
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. It is undeniable that
technology
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 has made
people
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's
lives
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 easier and more comfortable. There were numerous sectors which were influenced by
technology
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such
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 as agriculture, education, entertainment, business, transport and medicine.
Technology
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 was required to change the earlier
lives
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 of
people
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. Agriculture
for example
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, with the influence of
technology
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 has improved a lot with several new technological equipment like
tractor
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tractors
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,
pump
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pumps
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 for irrigation and so on.
This
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advancement
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 leads to a handsome amount of crop production to meet the needs of the increasing population around the world.
Although
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 the
development
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 of
technology
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 is still continuing and bringing changes, the changes ,
however
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, are not always positive
especially
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, especially
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 in the perspective of present society.
People
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 have started utilizing
technology
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 not only for the advantages of
people
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 but
also
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 for harming them.
For example
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, at present the young generation is mostly dependent on the internet for their education but most of the time they are engaging in online games or social media.
This
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 type of habit is responsible for ruining some essential skills like creativity, and cognitive ability which are required in their future
lives
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.
Therefore
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, they are not able to use
technology
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 effectively results in
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
show examples
 impact on them. In conclusion, technological improvement is positive until it is beneficial for humankind and
this
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 statement was appropriate for the past. As long as
people
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 fail to utilize it at present technological
development
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, it is harming society and
people
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.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. Your introduction in this essay establishes the topic, but it should also include a clear thesis statement that outlines what the essay will discuss.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific, detailed examples. While you have provided a general overview, the essay lacks concrete examples that could help to underpin your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating stronger transitions between paragraphs and within them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more naturally and indicate the relationship between them.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or topic sentence, followed by supporting details that are relevant to the task.
coherence cohesion
It's important to balance the development of main points. While some points are given due attention, others may be less developed. Strive for a more balanced essay where each point is fully explored.
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