Some people think that the government should ban dangerous sports, while others think that people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In
this
day and age, it is believed by some that dangerous
sports
should be prohibited
while
others argue that everyone can choose any sport to play.
Although
extreme
sports
may have some dangers, I am firmly convinced that
people
should have freedom in selecting sporting activities. On the one hand, the main reason why the government should ban dangerous
sports
is that they may be risky for the safety of players.
This
is mainly because
while
people
are playing extreme
sports
, chances of getting injured may easily occur.
As a consequence
, there are some cases in which the participants of these
sports
may have to face death. To illustrate
this
point, when
people
take part in mountain climbing, if there are defects in their equipment, their lives can be endangered.
Therefore
, these
sports
could be life-threatening and
thus
should be banned.
On the other hand
, it is my firm belief that
people
should have their own right to take up any sport.
To begin
with,
this
can be an opportunity for them to discover and challenge themselves.
This
is mainly because
people
playing extreme
sports
may feel more confident after they face their fear. To illustrate
this
point, after overcoming the fear of diving,
people
may feel more confident when they have to come near the water.
Moreover
, like most other
sports
, extreme
sports
can help develop
people
’s physical health.
Hence
,
instead
of banning dangerous
sports
, the government ought to make sure that
sports
players are carefully trained and the equipment is of high quality. In conclusion,
while
dangerous
sports
may be banned because they can be dangerous to
people
’s lives, I am firmly convinced that
people
can choose their
favorite
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sports
to challenge their abilities.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task achievement
The essay provides a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The opinion is clear and is presented at the end of the introduction and again in the conclusion, satisfying the requirements of the task. However, the body paragraphs could be developed further by adding more examples and deeper analysis to support the main points.
coherence cohesion
The logical sequence of information is adequate, yet the arguments could benefit from more varied and complex sentence structures for improved flow. Use of cohesive devices is apparent, but synonym usage and paraphrasing techniques should be enhanced to avoid repetition and increase sophistication.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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