The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.

The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
The diagrams compare the variety of
adults
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adults'
adult's
show examples
activities of
day
Add an article
the day
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doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
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in 1958 and in 2008.
Overall
, both of the
diagram
Change to a plural noun
diagrams
show examples
show people spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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most daily hours
on
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apply
show examples
working.
Firstly
, in 1958, the highest time
of
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apply
show examples
people spent was on working with the number of 33%. It
also
increased
9
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by 9
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%
throughout
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over
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50 years.
Moreover
, the second biggest
activity
was sleeping which
just
Add a missing verb
was just
show examples
1% under
Correct article usage
the working's
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working's
Change noun form
working
show examples
percentage. It
was
Verb problem
apply
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also
come
Wrong verb form
came
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in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second place in 2008, but it went down to 25%.
Next,
the
activity
like
hang
Change the verb form
hanging
show examples
out with family and friends was the third rank in 1958 with 19%.
However
,
this
aspect was the smallest percentage in 2008 with roughly 6% as same as the percentage of other
activity
in that year.
Lastly
, the remaining 16% was spent on relaxing at home, travelling to work, and other
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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in 1958.
On the other hand
, in 2008, those aspects
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stood at 27%.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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