The chart below show the percentage of the day working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and in 2008.
The diagrams compare the variety of
adults
activities of Change noun form
adults'
adult's
day
Add an article
the day
doing
in 1958 and in 2008.
Unnecessary verb
apply
Overall
, both of the diagram
show people spent Change to a plural noun
diagrams
their
most daily hours Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
working.
Change preposition
apply
Firstly
, in 1958, the highest time of
people spent was on working with the number of 33%. It Change preposition
apply
also
increased 9
% Change preposition
by 9
throughout
50 years. Change preposition
over
Moreover
, the second biggest activity
was sleeping which just
1% under Add a missing verb
was just
Correct article usage
the working's
working's
percentage. It Change noun form
working
was
Verb problem
apply
also
come
in Wrong verb form
came
the
second place in 2008, but it went down to 25%.
Correct article usage
apply
Next,
the activity
like hang
out with family and friends was the third rank in 1958 with 19%. Change the verb form
hanging
However
, this
aspect was the smallest percentage in 2008 with roughly 6% as same as the percentage of other activity
in that year.
Lastly
, the remaining 16% was spent on relaxing at home, travelling to work, and other activity
in 1958. Fix the agreement mistake
activities
On the other hand
, in 2008, those aspects was
stood at 27%.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by joyapakpahan on
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words activity with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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