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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that the increase in international travel has a negative impact on the environment and should be restricted. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion

#people #travel #impact #environment
Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 around the world would be destroyed the planet and should be prevented.I partly agree with
this
 statement since there are few benefits of flying.I'll analyze both my agreement and disagreement explanations in
this
 essay. İnternational travel is a well-discussed topic in
this
 era as it has become the major factor in globalization.On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 it seems to me that traveling internationally is economically beneficial for countries.As an example tourism
boost
Correct subject-verb agreement
boosts
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in
Change preposition
apply
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a country's economy
as a result
 of expenditures of tourists and
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
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 new job opportunities for local people.
Therefore
 international travel plays an essential role
to
Change preposition
in
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 a nation's economy.
On the other hand
,aeroplanes
releases
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release
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lot
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a lot
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 of carbon dioxide emissions which
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
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 global warming. It refers to
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
the gradual
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 rise in the
earth
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earth's
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 temperature and melting ice glaciers rapidly.
As a result
, the sea level is progressively increasing. So it will directly impact seaside countries.
To sum up
above
Correct article usage
the above
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 statement flying has
negative
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a negative
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 impact on the environment owing to
discharge
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the discharge
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 of harmful gases and chemicals in the year.
Nevertheless
, as there are some disadvantages of international
traveling
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travelling
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,
such
 as the environmental impact like air pollution, the benefits of
cross cultural
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cross-cultural
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 experiences and economic growth should not be overlooked.In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 it would be more productive to explore alternative solutions to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature rather than restrict
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
.
Submitted by P.Erandi on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay shows some good organization, but transitions between ideas can be improved for smoother flow. Aim to use cohesive devices more effectively to link sentences and paragraphs together, and ensure the logical sequence of ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present, but could be more impactful with clearer thesis statements and summaries of your main points.
Task Achievement
You have addressed parts of the task well, with a clear position throughout the essay. However, to score higher, both sides of the argument should be explored more evenly, and conclusions should be drawn from the examples provided. Specific examples to support points are sparse; to improve, you should include more relevant, detailed examples to illustrate your points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • carbon footprint
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • sustainable travel
  • eco-friendly
  • carbon emissions
  • habitat destruction
  • cultural dilution
  • overcrowding
  • resource depletion
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • tourism ethics
  • green initiatives
  • conservation efforts
What to do next:
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