IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media is replacing face - to - face interaction among many people in society. Do you theadvantages outwetgh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, the use of social
of social
Remove the redundancy
apply
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media
Use synonyms
 is getting prominent among the masses
swiflty
Correct your spelling
swiftly
,
face
Use synonyms
 to
face
Use synonyms
 interaction experienced
decline
Correct article usage
a decline
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overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
, for individuals from different sects prefer
media
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of the aforementioned statement, and
at the end
Linking Words
, I will ultimately express my own opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary benefits of social
media
Use synonyms
 used by citizens include flexibility and preservation of fuel.
Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
, people are indulged in
variety
Add an article
a variety
show examples
 of online businesses across the globe, the communication with international clients is now more convenient as compared to the past. From the comfort of home, one can
get
Correct your spelling
set
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 the world on fire by
positing
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posting
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 or creating
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
affective
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effective
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 content on social sites.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a
half century
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half-century
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 ago, people
cover
Wrong verb form
covered
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a large distances
Correct the article-noun agreement
large distances
a large distance
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 to meet someone associated with their field of trade,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 with online applications sharing their school of
thoughts
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thought
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 and
save
Wrong verb form
saving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fuel. For illustration,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Dawn News,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of the population now
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 to get their chores done.
Consequently
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 has replaced
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 communication and gained popularity around the planet and very beneficial for people related to distinct fields.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
over use
Correct your spelling
overuse
show examples
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 has caused several challenges that are health issues and less interaction. Individuals are getting lazy and dull, for they prefer to do shopping through these sites, their
will power
Correct your spelling
willpower
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 is on the brink of collapse,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 even do not want to get up for exercise, which results in various health problems.
Moreover
Linking Words
, online meetings are not effective as compared to
Use synonyms
face to
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
face
Use synonyms
 meetings, to be more precise, one may not be able to judge the person thoroughly.
For instance
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 Express Tribune, a large proportion of citizens of India are indulged in detrimental health challenges, for they ignore physical fitness and
busy
Add a missing verb
are busy
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in
Change preposition
apply
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using social
media
Use synonyms
 extensively.
As a result
Linking Words
, if not taken seriously, it will bring dangerous
diseased
Replace the word
diseases
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 to the
soiety
Correct your spelling
society
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I opine that the benefits of online sessions can replace its drawbacks, for it has transformed the planet into
modern
Correct article usage
a modern
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 technological era. Without wasting
anytime
Replace the word
any time
show examples
 and resources, one can communicate with
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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in
Change preposition
on
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 the other end of the world. The world has become
global
Add an article
a global
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 village because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
While the essay presented a structured response to the question, there were several instances of repetition and grammatical inaccuracies which interrupted the flow of the writing, particularly the phrase 'social of social media'. The logical progression of ideas could be improved with better sentence structure and variation in linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The candidate addressed both sides of the argument, including advantages and disadvantages, and provided a concluding opinion, which aligns with the task requirements. However, the essay could be enhanced by providing specific examples to support the main points. The use of generic examples and the lack of detailed illustration weaken the argument's effectiveness.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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