IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Millions of people today are travelling father and father throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, others think that its influences are positive Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

#tourism #industries #world #millions #people #father #year #development #effects #communities #influences #reader #support
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Tourism
Use synonyms
 is an urgent sector in the world today. They have a big
impact
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 not only on one area but
also
Linking Words
 on
domino
Correct article usage
the domino
show examples
 effect.
People
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 interested in
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 and understanding a culture around the world. Some
people
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 debate the number
tourism
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that is
Linking Words
 growing will bring negative impacts on local
people
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,
while
Linking Words
 others argue it will have a positive
impact
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give you both perspectives, explain more by case, and try to give my position for that case. Some
people
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 think
tourism
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 will have negative effects on local
people
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, because of the crowd situation resulting from the growth of
tourism
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. They concerned about local statues, parks, and sacred places which is a tourist
areas
Change the noun form
area
show examples
will
Correct pronoun usage
that will
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messed
Change the verb form
be messed
show examples
 up if there are many
people
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 there.
For example
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, if you have a beautiful beach which is very quiet and clean, it will be a dirty place if all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
people
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 from around the world go there for
tourism
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. Nature will destroy and need a long time to recover.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 think
tourism
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 will give you numerous positive impacts.
For example
Linking Words
, local investment will increase, if you have wonderful scenery. After that, if you open the area to the public, it will open new job opportunities for local
people
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 and give
domino
Correct article usage
a domino
show examples
 effect. There is only one place which is open for
tourism
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 areas, but they have been
supporting
Wrong verb form
supported
show examples
 by local
people
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 as an employee, local entrepreneurs who
produced
Wrong verb form
produce
show examples
 local food, and others
shock
Verb problem
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree with the second opinion.
Tourism
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 will
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 you domino effect which is good for local government as a new income opportunity and local
people
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 as a job opportunity. In conclusion,
tourism
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 can give you a positive
impact
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, if you know how to maintain it. For negative
impact
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, is still under control if all of the stakeholders
can work
Verb problem
apply
show examples
together
such
Linking Words
 as citizens, the government, and the
tourism
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 community keep natural areas healthy and clean.
Submitted by jehanboo on

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structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow logically from one to the next.
cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument and improve the flow of the essay.
development
Develop your main points fully with relevant, specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument.
task response
Respond to all parts of the task and ensure a balanced discussion of the topic followed by a clear personal stance in the conclusion.
language
Pay attention to the accuracy and range of grammatical structures and vocabulary. Avoid repetition and aim for clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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