IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Tourism has become one of the fastest growing industries in the world. Millions of people today are travelling father and father throughout the year. Some people argue that the development of tourism has had negative effects on local communities, others think that its influences are positive. Write an essay to an educated reader to discuss the effects of tourism on local communities. Include reasons and any relevant examples to support your answer.

#tourism #industries #world #millions #people #father #year #development #effects #communities #influences #reader #support
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Tourism
 is an urgent sector in the world today
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have a domino effect. Some
people
 debate the number
tourism
that is
 growing will bring negative impacts on local
people
,
while
 others argue it will have a positive impact.
This
 essay will give you both perspectives, explain more by case, and try to give my position for that case. Some
people
 think
tourism
 will have negative effects on local
people
. They
concerned
Add a missing verb
are concerned
show examples
 about local statues, parks, and sacred places, because of the crowd situation resulting from the growth of
tourism
.
For instance
, if you have a beautiful beach which is very quiet and clean, it will be a dirty place if all the
people
 from around the world go there. Nature will destroy and need a long time to recover.
On the other hand
,
people
 think
tourism
 will give you numerous positive impacts. Local investment will increase
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you have wonderful scenery. It will
also
 open new job opportunities for local
people
. One
tourism
 area
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been supported by local
people
 as an employee, local entrepreneurs who produce local food, and others . In my opinion, I agree with the second opinion.
Tourism
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a domino effect for local government as a new income opportunity and local
people
 as a job opportunity. In conclusion,
tourism
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a numerous positive impact, if you know how to maintain it. It is under control if all of the stakeholders
such
 as citizens, the government, and the
tourism
 community can collaborate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other.
Submitted by jehanboo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay lacks clarity and specific detail that would naturally emerge from a more robust planning stage prior to writing. The main points are briefly mentioned without in-depth analysis or clear argument progression.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay does not present a clear logical progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but do not strongly encapsulate the essay's main points. The coherence of the argument suffers from grammatical and stylistic inconsistencies.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: