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Band 6.5

People living in large cites today face many problems in their everyday life. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller regional towns?

#people #face #life #governments #move #towns
Nowadays individuals prefer to live in urban areas which gives rise to many issues in their daily routine. There are several problems but the most common ones are accommodation and pollution.
However
, I believe, that high authorities should take strict actions to tackle
such
 problems like introducing the benefits of living in the countryside because of the clean environment. The reason why
people
 prioritize living in cities as compared to villages is that it contains a lot of facilities and a good education system.
Along with
 that they
also
 get good opportunities to do work there. But it will lead to various challenges the first and most common problem is the residential problem, the
people
 are rushing towards London and they face challenges like most of the
people
 unable to find a home for them because the number of
people
 is greater than the number of home. So they struggle to find a home or flat to live in.
Secondly
, as more
people
 are there the pollution rate
also
 increases like more traffic and vehicles are found on the roads
in contrast
 to previous times.
Consequently
, it will give birth to various health disorders like respiratory diseases the ratio of asthmatic patients rises vigrously. The solution to solve
such
 problems is to take support from minstery. It is the responsibility of the government to facilitate their citizen in the suburbs as well. So they can get everything there easily. They
also
 tell their nations that it is advantageous for them to stay there. It is advantageous for them because of the clean surroundings and arranging seminars for them in which they can tell their
people
 about the farming techniques and they can easily grow their vegetables and
also
 sell them to other countries
this
 helps them to boost their economic value
also
. In conclusion, it is a fact that
people
 are moving towards higher cities and many are facing challenges. It is undeniable that city areas have more facilities but here it is the duty of the ministry to introduce that it is worth living in underdeveloped areas. And
also
 introduce them
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 benefits of living there.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Task Achievement
Task Response: You addressed the main points of the questions appropriately, however, the essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the problems and solutions mentioned. Including evidence or data could strengthen the task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. But, transitions between ideas could be smoother and paragraphing can be clearer to enhance readability and flow. Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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