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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of three types of visitors to a museum between 1997 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #numbers #three #visitors #museum #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graph illustrates the figure of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to three different art exhibitions during 15 years from 1997 and 2012. The three different art places that surveyed the
number
Use synonyms
 of customers consist of National Gallery, Victoria and Albert
Museum
Use synonyms
, and
Bristish
Correct your spelling
British
Museum
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Gallery and British
Muesum
Correct your spelling
Museum
competed
Verb problem
have
show examples
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several times during the years.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 Gallery held the least
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2007, at
6million
Correct your spelling
6 million
.
However
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Following
show examples
Following
Fix capitalization
following
show examples
 year, it showed
Add an article
a slight
the slight
show examples
slight
Change the adjective
slightly
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
, beating the
number
Use synonyms
 of British
Museum
Use synonyms
.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, its figures gradually increased since 2007 until it recorded the highest
records
Fix the agreement mistake
record
show examples
 of all time among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
, which was at
16million
Correct your spelling
16 million
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Victoria
Correct article usage
the Victoria
show examples
 Albert
Museum
Use synonyms
 was
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
first place
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the figures in 2007, showing the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 with
13million
Correct article usage
a 13million
show examples
. Its figure remained still in the following year in 2008 but that was the end of its popularity, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to Victoria and Albert
Museum
Use synonyms
 rapidly dropped and
recored
Correct your spelling
recorded
record
 the lowest in both years, 2010 and 2011.
Submitted by pjh011205 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, number, museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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