IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

An increasing number of doctors and professors are leaving their poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems does it cause and what are the solutions.

#doctors #professors #countries #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A large number of doctors and other
professionals
 are migrating to developed
countries
 which is leading to a shortage of experienced skilled
professionals
 in underdeveloped
countries
. The
professionals
 are moving to developed
countries
 majorly for better work opportunities, income and benefits which is causing a severe effect on the poorer
countries
.
For instance
, the increasing gap in medical
expertiese
Correct your spelling
expertise
 between developed and underdeveloped
countries
 will lead to
foregin
Correct your spelling
foreign
 dependency
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 medical aid and educational services.
This
 in turn might affect the financial
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
 of the nation seeking foreign services. The future of the origin
countries
 will
also
 be in jeopardy
due to
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of mentors for
professionals
 of upcoming generations.
Nevertheless
,
this
 situation can be handled by providing better work
opportunites
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and quality of living for
professionals
.
Countries
 need to revisit the pay structure of working
professionals
 and provide benefits that will value
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Measures
such
 as investing in local infrastructure, cross border knowledge transfer can
also
 motivate the skilled
professionals
 to continue working in the home country.
Submitted by sai.shruti17.d on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a basic structure, but the ideas could be more logically ordered. Ensure that each paragraph builds on the one before it to guide the reader through your argument in a more coherent way.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be more focused on the topic. Make sure that your introduction clearly states the problems and your conclusion effectively summarizes your solutions.
coherence cohesion
While the main ideas are supported, more concrete and relevant examples could strengthen your argument. Use specific details and evidence to back your points.
task achievement
While you have addressed the topic, the response could be more complete with a deeper exploration into the implications of the brain drain and a broader range of solutions.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but could be expressed more comprehensively. Develop your points more fully to better satisfy the task requirements.
task achievement
Specific examples are lacking in support of your main points. To score higher, provide real-world cases or statistics to illustrate the problems and solutions related to professional migration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Human capital flight
  • Developing countries
  • Developed countries
  • Healthcare system
  • Educational sector
  • Medical expertise
  • Foreign aid
  • Economic disparities
  • Professional retention
  • Work incentives
  • Infrastructure
  • Temporary migration
  • Knowledge transfer
  • Telemedicine
  • E-learning
  • Mentorship
  • International cooperation
  • Manpower
What to do next:
Look at other essays: