A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

#money #oil #world #resources #sources #power #wind

Because

oil

such

a precious fuel

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

a great deal of

money

is spent looking for it. Some people believe that

this

is a waste of our time as

oil

will not

last

forever

therefore

we should spend some of

this

money

advancing new power sources. I agree with

this

point and think that we should stop focussing

Change preposition

show examples

oil

supplies as not only it is not sustainable but it is

also

damaging to the environment.

Oil

is not only very expensive but it is

also

one of the most commonly sold commodities on the planet.

For

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

many people have

invest

Change the verb form

invested

show examples

great sums of

money

in locating and extracting it. Countries that have been able to find

oil

supplies have seen a huge rise in their GDP and a related rise in their population’s living standards.

However

oil

is not a renewable energy

sources

Fix the agreement mistake

source

show examples

and one day the earth’s supplies will run out.

For

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

it is not logical for us to continue having dependence on

oil

and should

instead

devote time and

money

Change preposition

show examples

the development of sustainable alternatives. These alternatives already exist in the form of wind, hydro and solar power but need to be invested to meet the global demand for energy. Another issue with our reliance on

oil

is the

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

that it has on the environment. The burning of fossil fuels like

oil

is one of the key causes of climate change.

For

this

reason

Add a comma

reason,

show examples

many people argue that, rather than looking for new ways of getting

oil

, its use should be greatly limited. In conclusion, there is no doubt that

oil

is valuable and has benefits for those

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

find it.

However

, we need to focus on generating energy through cleaner, more sustainable methods.

Submitted by amrmohsen12 on Tue Dec 26 2023

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Task Achievement

In the aspect of Task Response, while you have provided a clear opinion and covered the task, your argument can be improved by offering more specific examples and developing your ideas further to create a more complete response.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, the essay has a logical structure and both an introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the main points can be better supported with clear, relevant examples that are well-integrated into the text.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

294 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

finite
renewable energy sources
expenditure
compromise
sustainable
environmental impact
infrastructure
economic sustainability
dependency
fluctuating prices
stimulate
job creation
vested interests
transition
reluctance

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