IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Because
oil
Use synonyms
 is
such
Linking Words
 a precious fuel
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
a great deal of
money
Use synonyms
 is spent looking for it. Some people believe that
this
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 is a waste of our time as
oil
Use synonyms
 will not
last
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 forever
therefore
Linking Words
 we should spend some of
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 advancing new power sources. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point and think that we should stop focussing
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
 supplies as not only it is not sustainable but it is
also
Linking Words
 damaging to the environment.
Oil
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 is not only very expensive but it is
also
Linking Words
 one of the most commonly sold commodities on the planet.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 many people have
invest
Change the verb form
invested
show examples
 great sums of
money
Use synonyms
 in locating and extracting it. Countries that have been able to find
oil
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 supplies have seen a huge rise in their GDP and a related rise in their population’s living standards.
However
Linking Words
,
oil
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 is not a renewable energy
sources
Fix the agreement mistake
source
show examples
 and one day the earth’s supplies will run out.
For
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this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 it is not logical for us to continue having dependence on
oil
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 and should
instead
Linking Words
 devote time and
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of sustainable alternatives. These alternatives already exist in the form of wind, hydro and solar power but need to be invested to meet the global demand for energy. Another issue with our reliance on
oil
Use synonyms
 is the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 that it has on the environment. The burning of fossil fuels like
oil
Use synonyms
 is one of the key causes of climate change.
For
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this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 many people argue that, rather than looking for new ways of getting
oil
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, its use should be greatly limited. In conclusion, there is no doubt that
oil
Use synonyms
 is valuable and has benefits for those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 find it.
However
Linking Words
, we need to focus on generating energy through cleaner, more sustainable methods.

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Improvement Suggestions

2
Task Achievement

In the aspect of Task Response, while you have provided a clear opinion and covered the task, your argument can be improved by offering more specific examples and developing your ideas further to create a more complete response.

Coherence and Cohesion

For Coherence and Cohesion, the essay has a logical structure and both an introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother, and the main points can be better supported with clear, relevant examples that are well-integrated into the text.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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