IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, School are open late so that children can be looked after when parents are at work. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
•The practice of keeping schools open late for childcare has both positive and negative impacts.
While
Linking Words
 it provides working
parents
Use synonyms
 with a convenient solution for their childcare needs, it
also
Linking Words
 raises concerns about the potential strain on teachers and the impact on student’s education. •One significant advantage is that extended
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 can ease the burden on working
parents
Use synonyms
. In countries where working late
hours
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the norm,
such
Linking Words
 programs can ensure that children are in safe
hand
Fix the agreement mistake
hands
show examples
 and supervised environment after regular
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 convenience allows
parents
Use synonyms
 to maintain their jobs and financial stability
while
Linking Words
 knowing that their children are well cared for. •
Moreover
Linking Words
, late
schools
Change the noun form
school
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 can provide
students
Use synonyms
 with additional support. After-
school
Use synonyms
 programs can offer homework assistance, tutoring, and extracurricular activities that enhance learning and personal development. The programs can be particularly beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 who require additional help with their studies. •
However
Linking Words
, there are notable disadvantages to late
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
. Teachers may face increased workloads and burnout
due to
Linking Words
 longer
hours
Use synonyms
. The quality of instruction during extended
hours
Use synonyms
 may
also
Linking Words
 vary as
educator
Add an article
an educator
show examples
 may be fatigued, impacting
students
Use synonyms
 learning experience. •
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Students
Use synonyms
 may feel overwhelmed by the extended
school
Use synonyms
 day, potentially causing stress and limiting their time for relaxation and family interaction. The lack of free time can affect their
overall
Linking Words
 well-being and social development. •In conclusion, late
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 can be
practical
Add an article
a practical
show examples
 solution for working
parents
Use synonyms
 and provide additional education support for
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, it’s crucial to address the potential drawbacks,
such
Linking Words
 as teacher workload and
student’s
Change noun form
student
show examples
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, to ensure that the advantages of extended
school
Use synonyms
hours
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You should offer more specific examples to support your arguments. Provide real-world cases or data where possible to lend credibility to your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure of your essay by clearly delineating between paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, perhaps with clear topic sentences outlining the main idea of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are distinct and fully developed. The introduction should more clearly outline the upcoming discussion, and the conclusion should summarize the arguments while also offering a final, reflective thought.
task achievement
Expand on your main points with further explanation or analysis. After stating an advantage or disadvantage, delve deeper into the societal, educational, or psychological implications to provide a more nuanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: