Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?
Nowadays, the increasing
number
in the world population makes the consumption of water
significantly higher. Therefore
, it caused a little
Correct word choice
small
number
of fresh water
available in the world and resulted
a global Add the preposition
resulted in
resulted from
issue
. However
, there is a thing that may become the main problem of this
. Moreover
, an
action regarding Correct article usage
apply
this
issue
should be taken as soon as possible to reduce the difficulty to find
fresh Change preposition
of finding
water
.
To begin
, the problems may come because of several factors. First,
the demand for fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
water
grows in line with the increasing number of
population. These people need Correct quantifier usage
apply
water
to fulfill
their needs to live. Change the spelling
fulfil
Second,
the rise of buildings, houses, and malls which are taking up a lot of space underground make the spot for fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
water
decrease. Last
, the waste
from the factory directly goes to the sea or river. This
is fatal and maybe
Correct your spelling
may
becomes
the Wrong verb form
become
most
percentage contributing to the shortage of freshwater.
Correct word choice
highest
However
, it is still possible to solve this
issue
. One organization which focus
on the Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
water
issue
, ESRI, published an article to treat a little
Correct word choice
small
number
of fresh water
. The initial action is the government must make a policy for the factory owners to process the waste
. Furthermore
, the government should support business owners who want to make water
treatment company
. The Fix the agreement mistake
companies
benefit
can be provided Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
such
as low interest
loans, no taxes, and easy permits.
Add a hyphen
low-interest
To conclude
, the lack of fresh
Correct your spelling
freshwater
water
developing into a global issue
at this
moment and may continues
in the future. The reasons for Wrong verb form
continue
this
problem are the increasing demand, the increasing of
construction, and the Change preposition
apply
waste
that is
not being treated by the factory. Nevertheless
, the shortage of fresh water
could be controlled with
making a policy of Change preposition
by
waste
and giving the easy way for business owners who interested
in starting Add a missing verb
are interested
water
treatment company
.Fix the agreement mistake
companies
Submitted by rezaf.permadi on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure you have a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Your paragraphs should have clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that expand on the idea.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion that effectively introduce and summarise your main points. While these elements are present in your essay, they require further development to clearly outline your argument and summarise your main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. Your essay provides general ideas but lacks detailed examples to illustrate the issues and measures related to the fresh water shortage.
task achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task. While you have provided some response to the prompts, your essay could be more complete by directly answering the provided questions.
task achievement
Express clear and comprehensive ideas. Aim to provide explanations and examples that clarify your main points and arguments on fresh water issues.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. This will make your arguments more persuasive and demonstrate an ability to use concrete evidence in your writing.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example