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Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram illustrates main changes that have occurred at West Park Secondary School over a thirty-year period and its proposed development in 2010.

The diagram illustrates main changes that have occurred at West Park Secondary School over a thirty-year period and its proposed development in 2010.
#changes #west #park #school #period #development
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The pictures
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
present the major transformations at
Use synonyms
School
Correct article usage
the School
show examples
 of West
Park
Use synonyms
 Secondary
throughout
Change preposition
over
show examples
 60 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, houses that
exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
 in 1950
had been
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 demolished and the
school
Use synonyms
 building had a
remain
Replace the word
remaining
show examples
 position,
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the east, from 1950 until 2010.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 1950, there were 3
row
Change to a plural noun
rows
show examples
 of houses in the west of
Use synonyms
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, farmland
located
Add a missing verb
is located
show examples
 in
Add an article
the south
show examples
south west
Add a hyphen
south-west
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 picture,
also
Linking Words
 there
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
playground
Add an article
a playground
the playground
show examples
 in the
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
. Move to the next 30 years, in 1980, all of the houses had been replaced by car
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 and science
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 science library
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expand
Wrong verb form
expanded
show examples
 from
main
Add an article
the main
show examples
 building of the
school
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
farmland
Correct article usage
the farmland
show examples
 had been changed into a
school
Use synonyms
 facility,
sports
Correct word choice
and sports
show examples
 field. One of the features
had
Verb problem
that was
show examples
 unchanged
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 location was
playground
Add an article
a playground
the playground
show examples
. In the
last
Linking Words
 time of the period,
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 had been expanded to almost part of the east,
while
Linking Words
 the sports field had been minimized in the south between
car
Add an article
the car
show examples
park
Use synonyms
 and playground. The remaining features,
Use synonyms
school's
Correct article usage
the school's
show examples
 main building, science book, and main road
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 in the same position.
Submitted by joyapakpahan on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, park with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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