As technology helps to gain access to information, fact teaching should be removed and school should focus on developing skills and talents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the globalisation era, technology
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
widely been used to
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
crucial
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
which resulted in lesser importance of
fact
teaching and should be replaced by
skills
and talent
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
. I align with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
opinion as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that schools should replace the burdening
fact
teaching with
skills
enhancing curriculum.
To begin
with, culture and technology have widely spread in fast distribution, as we
called
Wrong verb form
call
show examples
today "globalisation". The use of smart tech tools for easier information flow has been developed to an exquisite state with the function to support
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
productivity.
For example
, in recent times, one only needs to scroll and press
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
times on their phone display in order to find the full history of America or to call relatives in
other country
Change the wording
another country
other countries
show examples
far away. The
advantages
of smartphones and smart technologies are undeniably amazing. With the
advantages
stated, smartphones
also
affect the way we study today.
With the
Change preposition
The
show examples
easy flow of information and knowledge,
therefore decreasing
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
the urgency of demanding
fact
teaching to students.
These
Correct determiner usage
This
show examples
era supported students to explore beyond the books and facts, to be aware of their talents and
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
in order to produce distinctive individuals
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are ready
impact
Fix the infinitive
to impact
show examples
the world with their experiences.
Therefore
,
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
nowadays should
put
Verb problem
pay
show examples
more attention to the talents and
skills
the students
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
believe that
skills
and talent enhancing curriculum are
bringin
Correct your spelling
bringing
more
advantages
than the old
fact
teaching curriculum. Especially, supported
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
the globalisation and more advanced technological era, people
sould
Correct your spelling
should
could
would
make the most
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
out of these
advantages
.
Submitted by ssannyssss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay generally addresses the prompt, but the response is limited in developing a coherent argument. The main ideas are presented, yet they lack fully developed explanations, and more specific examples to support your points are required.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs with clear and logical progression. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea and that the supporting sentences are directly related to it. Transitions between points and paragraphs could be smoother.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: