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Band 4

In nations that have already gained great wealth, any additional economic prosperity would not make people more satisfied. Do you agree or disagree?

#nations #wealth #prosperity #people
Some kind of financial support
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 economic satisfaction would not make society more comfortable in a country that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good economic growth . In my opinion, I agree with
this
 statement because the individual
not
Change the verb form
does not
did not
show examples
 again think about how to be
richman
Correct your spelling
rich
 but they think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
kindnes
Correct your spelling
kindness
.
Additionally
, they still need
for working
Change preposition
to work
show examples
 to achieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
compensation in
life
. I will start with
life
's needs
have
Correct pronoun usage
that have
show examples
 been met by
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
Public
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 safe if all
Correct pronoun usage
their needs
show examples
needs
Correct pronoun usage
their needs
show examples
 of them have
guarente
Correct your spelling
guarantee
guaranteed
 by the government.
For example
, when you want to access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health facilities you do not need to pay anything for these anywhere.
In addition
, the hospital
privides
Correct your spelling
provides
 not only for currative
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
prepear
Correct your spelling
prepares
 for preventive
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
. These kinds of satisfaction will
get
Verb problem
be obtained
show examples
 by
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 in
rich
Add an article
a rich
show examples
 state with
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 of income
generating
Wrong verb form
generated
show examples
 per capita per year. In rich
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will
easy to
Replace the word
easily
show examples
 get a job that
suitable
Add a missing verb
is suitable
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their skill and level of education with
big
Correct word choice
a high
show examples
 salary.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, the person will not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more
time
 just
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good management system for working
time
, and they have more
time
wtih
Correct your spelling
with
 the family.
Thus
, the parents have more
time
 to communicate with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 son. It is the to way for getting
satisfacation
Correct your spelling
satisfaction
 in
life
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 from in
Correct article usage
a litle
show examples
litle
Correct your spelling
little
 circle in
family
Add an article
the family
show examples
. in conclusion. The comfort of
life
 will come true
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
life
's basic needs have been met.
Such
 as, easy to
accses
Correct your spelling
access
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good health facilities, get
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 education
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 any level
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 free and get
occupation
Correct article usage
an occupation
show examples
 with
suitable
Correct article usage
a suitable
show examples
 salary.
Submitted by endangsepdanius on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic structure but needs improvement in organization and transitioning between ideas. Utilize clear topic sentences for each paragraph and work on creating smoother connections between your points to enhance coherence.
task achievement
You've partly addressed the prompt but the depth and development of ideas are lacking. Try to fully explore your arguments with detailed explanations and more pertinent examples. Ensure you are also directly addressing the question, discussing both sides if required, and providing a clear opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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