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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some countries import a large amount of food from other parts of the world. To what extend is this a positive or negative trend?

#countries #import #amount #food #parts #world #trend
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Nowadays, some governments tend to bring a considerable amount of
food
Use synonyms
 requirements from other countries in different ways. I completely believe it is a negative phenomenon as they become dependent on other communities and several job opportunities are damaging
as well as
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 factories.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 importing a raw material is common and normal, if it is excessive I believe it negatively affects many aspects of importers. As an importer, the
country
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 has been influenced by various subjects.
For example
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, if the exporter has a drought in its region and can not produce needs of other places,
consequently
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 the price increases to a large extent. The consequences may go far beyond any cost they had ever expected.
Additionally
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, the transportation of
food
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 content is of paramount importance, and authorities have devoted a remarkable part of the government's budget to
this
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.
Hence
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, the expenditure on
food
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 materials undoubtedly is much higher as compared to when they produce them in their own
country
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.
Secondly
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, many experts think that
this
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 trend can lead to manifold drawbacks in jobs. First of all, job spaces in terms of
food
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 production will be limited. A salient example is that studies showed many people had been fired from their jobs after importing a variety of grains in Iran. As our
country
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 started importing wheat from Russia at lower prices, it is not rational for companies to continue producing
this
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 content and eventually, they reduce their employees to half.
Also
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, Iran is bringing in some frozen fish from China, and it causes unemployment for most fishermen in the southern and northern parts of my
country
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.
Therefore
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, as much as countries decide to provide
food
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 from other sections of the world, the negative impacts are noticeable and are by no means negligible. In conclusion,
this
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 notion that countries can import a large amount of
food
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 from other governments is literally a negative trend with huge inappropriate influences on the people of the destination.
Submitted by farzin_seyednejad on

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Introduction/Conclusion Advice
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint. While you stated your opinion, it would be beneficial to briefly outline the reasons that will be discussed in the body paragraphs.
Coherence/Cohesion Advice
Maintain a strong logical flow throughout your essay. While you have generally done well, make sure to use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraph transitions to enhance the readability of your essay.
Task Achievement Advice
Stay on topic and fully respond to the task. You have addressed the question, but you should ensure to explore both positive and negative aspects since the question asks 'to what extent'—indicating a discussion of both sides.
Support and Development Advice
Support your main points with clear examples or evidence. You have provided some specific examples, but integrating more varied and detailed instances may strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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