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Band 4

Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

#health #people #smoke #world
Public health is the most vital issue in all countries. In
this
 regard, many elites are worried about the increasing number of
smokers
. In
this
 article, I will discuss the drawbacks of
this
 behaviour
along with
 the solutions.
To begin
 with, smoking has a lot of side effects.
For example
,
although
, those who live in
metropolitain
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 cities are highly likely to turn to smoking to put their mind at ease, as they become addicted, they face more problems like dental and liver issues. They are
also
 prone to
strike
Wrong verb form
strikes
show examples
 which have a heavy toll on insurance companies
as well as
 society.
Moreover
,
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
show examples
smokers
 or passive
smokers
, those who do not smoke but are close to
smokers
, will face more health disorders. So not only it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smokers
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it is
also
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the community. When it comes to solutions, since the main reason for smoking is to get
ride
Correct your spelling
rid
show examples
 of daily tensions and stress, regular therapy meetings can be an alternative
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
cigarate
Correct your spelling
cigarette
cigarettes
.
For instance
, a therapy session that unwinds parents with hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
 is highly likely to help them to overcome stress and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not start smoking.
In addition
, the government can push the media and education system to warn about its consequences.
For example
, if we train teenagers about its disadvantages, they are unlikely to become
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
show examples
. In conclusion, smoking has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several side effects on the
smokers
 and their family and friends.
However
, replacing healthy
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
show examples
 like turning to a therapist, and
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
show examples
 up awareness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are effective measures to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
this
 problem.
Submitted by AUser on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing and paragraphing for clearer argument structure. It is critical to have discernible main points that logically flow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame the essay properly. These elements are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples. This enriches the content and supports the argument more convincingly. Avoid vague statements that lack specific illustrative instances.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Ensure that all aspects of the question are covered comprehensively.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas fully to demonstrate understanding and insight into the topic. Strive for comprehensive explanations that reflect the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Use relevant examples that directly support your arguments. Ensure that these examples are specific and directly linked to the ideas being presented.
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