IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Despite health warning,a large number of people continue to smoke all over the world.Why should we be concerned about this ?What solutions would you suggest?

#health #people #smoke #world
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Public health is the most vital issue in all countries. In
this
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 regard, many elites are worried about the increasing number of
smokers
Use synonyms
. In
this
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 article, I will discuss the drawbacks of
this
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 behaviour
along with
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 the solutions.
To begin
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 with, smoking has a lot of side effects.
For example
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,
although
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, those who live in
metropolitain
Correct your spelling
metropolitan
 cities are highly likely to turn to smoking to put their mind at ease, as they become addicted, they face more problems like dental and liver issues. They are
also
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 prone to
strike
Wrong verb form
strikes
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 which have a heavy toll on insurance companies
as well as
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 society.
Moreover
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,
second hand
Add a hyphen
second-hand
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smokers
Use synonyms
 or passive
smokers
Use synonyms
, those who do not smoke but are close to
smokers
Use synonyms
, will face more health disorders. So not only it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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smokers
Use synonyms
,
Add the word(s)
, but
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it is
also
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 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 the community. When it comes to solutions, since the main reason for smoking is to get
ride
Correct your spelling
rid
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 of daily tensions and stress, regular therapy meetings can be an alternative
of
Change preposition
to
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cigarate
Correct your spelling
cigarette
cigarettes
.
For instance
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, a therapy session that unwinds parents with hectic
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 is highly likely to help them to overcome stress and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not start smoking.
In addition
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, the government can push the media and education system to warn about its consequences.
For example
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, if we train teenagers about its disadvantages, they are unlikely to become
smoker
Fix the agreement mistake
smokers
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. In conclusion, smoking has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
several side effects on the
smokers
Use synonyms
 and their family and friends.
However
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, replacing healthy
conducts
Fix the agreement mistake
conduct
show examples
 like turning to a therapist, and
leveling
Change the spelling
levelling
show examples
 up awareness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are effective measures to
takle
Correct your spelling
tackle
this
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 problem.
Submitted by AUser on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical sequencing and paragraphing for clearer argument structure. It is critical to have discernible main points that logically flow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion to frame the essay properly. These elements are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples. This enriches the content and supports the argument more convincingly. Avoid vague statements that lack specific illustrative instances.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task to provide a complete response. Ensure that all aspects of the question are covered comprehensively.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas fully to demonstrate understanding and insight into the topic. Strive for comprehensive explanations that reflect the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Use relevant examples that directly support your arguments. Ensure that these examples are specific and directly linked to the ideas being presented.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • respiratory illnesses
  • healthcare systems
  • air pollution
  • cigarette butts
  • wildlife
  • marine life
  • deforestation
  • pesticide use
  • economic loss
  • absenteeism
  • early mortality
  • tobacco farming
  • second-hand smoke
  • strict regulations
  • higher taxes
  • smoking bans
  • advertising restrictions
  • support systems
  • counseling
  • smoking cessation
  • nicotine replacement therapy
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