IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The qualities a person needs to become truly successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many people have goals to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
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successful person in the future,
hence
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 they try to build some essential qualities.
However
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, some of them argue that academic educations are not the appropriate sources for
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 needs. I do not agree with
this
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 statement, since university can provide both hard skills and soft skills which can be a
vehichle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
 for people to gain victory.
To begin
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 with, academic institutions have an intense curriculum that we should not
overlooked
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overlook
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,
such
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 as financial management.
With
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In
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current
Correct article usage
the current
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 industrial era, it is mandatory for managers to be literate about finance, especially when they run a profit-oriented business.
For example
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, several universities in Jakarta have set a mandatory subject package which
include
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includes
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 financial education in the first year term.
Thus
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, as they graduate, they will not be surprised to run a business or
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
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 in a corporation as they already have a sufficient provision.
Additionally
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,
Correct article usage
the university
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university
Correct article usage
the university
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 is a perfect arena
to train
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for training
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student's
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students'
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 collaboration skills.
This
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 happens because most of the learning methods are conducted in group projects,
thus
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 it fosters people's ability to communicate and work as a team. If,
for instance
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, students are used to
perform
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performing
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 well in a group project, it can be said that they are ready to face the professional realm.
This
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 is an intangible role from
university
Add an article
the university
a university
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 that can prepare someone to become a successful person.
To sum up
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, it is true that victory
need
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needs
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 preparation, and to be a successful person, several qualities must be built. I believe academic
institution
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institutions
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,
such
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 as universities and equivalents, can act as the main
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
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 to supply valuable provisions, both from technical and emotional intelligence.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the essay contains a clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summarizing conclusion that restates this position.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences that introduce the main point of each paragraph.
supported main points
Develop main points more thoroughly with a balance of general ideas and specific, relevant examples or explanations.
complete response
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that your response is comprehensive and covers the prompt in-depth. Make your stance clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Express your ideas clearly, making sure each paragraph conveys a distinct idea that contributes to the overall argument or perspective of the essay.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific, detailed examples to support your claims. Use real-world instances or hypothetical scenarios that clearly illustrate your points.
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