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Band 2

People eat more processed food now than in the past. What are the reasons for this? What might be the results?

#people #food #results
Currently, fast
food
 is suited to persuade many people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
purches
Correct your spelling
purchases
purchase
 them.
However
, they can suffer from fast
food
. I will discuss both sides in order to give my opinion. The disadvantages of processed
food
 cause many health problems,
in particular
 obesity,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can make many
human
Change to a plural noun
humans
show examples
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
ill.
For example
,
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
 can make people
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 hypertension followed by heart issues.
Consequently
, there are
avoidness
Correct your spelling
avoided
 unhealthy products. The other drawback of fast
food
 is that many
citizen
Change to a plural noun
citizens
show examples
 require to spend a lot of money to purchase them because they do not have enough time to
prepair
Correct your spelling
prepare
 healthy
food
 and there is a wide variety of salt inside.
Hence
, there are can
get on
Verb problem
lose
show examples
 weight.
On the other hand
, in the past, many people
work
Wrong verb form
worked
show examples
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
feild
Correct your spelling
field
 but nowadays,having several employees who
hard-working
Add a missing verb
are hard-working
show examples
 and their house that far from
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
show examples
leding
Correct your spelling
leads
 to
need
Correct article usage
the need
show examples
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 time to go
work
Change preposition
to work
show examples
.
Thus
,there are
needed
Replace the word
need
show examples
 to buy quickly to go to work
ontime
Correct your spelling
on time
. In conclusion, I do not agree with
because
Correct pronoun usage
it because
show examples
 all of it is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to do in my life. If
unnhealthy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
 is not important to do , I should give knowledge that what is
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 more than
Correct your spelling
should
shoul
Correct your spelling
should
 be fine
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction should outline the main points you will discuss. Make sure each body paragraph focuses on a single idea with relevant support.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using transition words and phrases. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next, and the overall essay presents your points in a cohesive manner.
task achievement
Ensure that you address both parts of the question fully, providing clear reasons for why people eat more processed food now and discussing the potential results. Your response should cover all aspects of the prompt to achieve a higher task achievement score.
task achievement
Develop your arguments with specific examples and clear explanations. Your points are lacking depth, and examples are not effectively used to support your arguments. Include relevant and detailed examples for each point you make.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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