IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, a small number of people earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that this is good for the country, but others think that governments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #governments #level
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In some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world, a
group
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 of
people
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 trust that
small
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a small
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 number of
people
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 earning extraordinarily large
amount
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amounts
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 of
revenues
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revenue
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 benefit the
country
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while
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 others
against
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are against
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 it. Another
group
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 of
people
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 who disagreed
believe
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believed
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 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 should control the salaries into a limited ceiling.
This
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 essay will explain the ideas of both
side
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sides
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 of the
coins
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coin
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 and
also
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 express my own opinion. When
people
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 in the
country
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 earn extremely high incomes, it can be a good point for the
country
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.
Since those
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Those
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 small
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group
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groups
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 of
people
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 can be the main key to
run
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running
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 successful businesses which
building
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builds
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 up the GDP of the
country
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’s
economics
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economy
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. One of the positive points resulting from good economics in a
country
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 is bringing trust from foreign investors.
Consequently
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, there will be more money from outside of the
country
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 to run
in
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apply
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many business activities.
Thus
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 in the
country
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 can benefit from
the
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apply
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better economic
circumstance
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circumstances
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 as well. We cannot deny that receiving giant revenues
are
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is
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 paramount.
Nevertheless
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, it can be a big problem for the
country
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. If there
are
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is
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 a big gap
of
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in
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 revenues for residents in the
country
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, the population
is tended
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tends
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 to
divide
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be divided
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 into two groups which are rich
person
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people
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 and
grassroot
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grassroots
person
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people
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. As a sequent, it leads to inequality in the social. From the statistics, the
grassroot
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grassroots
group
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 of
people
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 has
large
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a large
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 exceeding amount. Most of them cannot reach some common requisites of living as same as the wealthy ones.
For instance
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, poor
people
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 in
the
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apply
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rural areas
have
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do have
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 not enough health care services or cannot
effort for
Verb problem
afford
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the
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apply
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healthy foods. In the long run, these problems might lead to bigger
problem
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problems
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such
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 as human
right
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rights
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 or political issues.
For
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From
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 my point of view, every story has two
side
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sides
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 which
is
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are
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 good or bad. It depends on which side we are looking at. I think the middle level of everything is always the best even though it is so difficult to manage to stay at that level sustainably in the real-life situation.
However
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, if we can really manage it, it will be an ideal method to balance all of
residents’
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the residents’
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life
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lives
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 in the
country
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.
Submitted by sasi.jariyasirikul on

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task achievement
Ensure you address both views of the argument clearly and spend an equal amount of the essay discussing each perspective before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
Work on the development of arguments by including more specific examples and data to support your points, which will strengthen your response.
coherence cohesion
Focus on paragraph structure, ensuring that each main idea is in a new paragraph and is expanded upon adequately.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and transition words effectively to improve the flow of ideas within and between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Remember to write an introduction that clearly outlines the essay question and your standpoint, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • incentivize
  • discrepancy
  • inequality
  • social cohesion
  • equitable distribution
  • wealth concentration
  • talent retention
  • global competitiveness
  • social unrest
  • innovate
  • government intervention
  • salary cap
What to do next:
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