The crime rate in teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries in recent years. What are the causes, and what are the solutions?
There
was
a dramatic increase in the percentage of crime among Wrong verb form
has been
youngsters
in a number of countries recently. This
essay will reveal about
the causes and put forward possible Change preposition
apply
solutions
.
There are many triggers that contribute why
the percentage of crime Change preposition
to why
experineced
a dramatic Correct your spelling
experienced
rose
in many countries currently. One of them is because many Replace the word
rise
teenagers
nowadays face bad relationship
with their Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
parents
. There is not small
number of young people Change the article
a small
the small
have
to survive in bad Correct pronoun usage
who have
condition family
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions families
such
as broken home situation
. Fix the agreement mistake
situations
This
phenomenon leads to youngsters
have
Wrong verb form
having
lack
of attention, compassion and supervision from adults Correct article usage
a lack
especially
their Add the comma(s)
, especially
parents
. Because they feel there is
no people who can take control Change the verb form
are
their
behaviour, they have a tendency to do criminal actions. Change preposition
of their
Additionally
, recently, the condition of teenagers
that stuck in a wrong association also
becomes
another reason. Wrong verb form
become
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
youngsters
are not selective in choosing their friends. They never consider wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
this
person will provide positive
impact or not. Correct article usage
a positive
As a result
, they often obtain negative impact from their friendship with wrong
people that potentially affects their personal development.
Turning on Correct article usage
the wrong
solutions
, there is
a lot of potential Correct subject-verb agreement
are
solutions
for this
problem. Firstly
, teenagers
can deal with this
case
by improving communication with teenagers
, parents
and stakeholders of the school. If there is a strong coordination between parents
, teenagers
and school, this
will create a small probability for youngsters
to do criminal case
.
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
Secondly
, conducting a useful webinar by inviting specialised experts in mental and physical development during Correct article usage
the teenager
teenager
phase. Replace the word
teenage
This
program will gain more knowledge and make teenagers
becomes
more Change the verb form
become
wiseful
and careful in taking Correct your spelling
wistful
wise
wishful
actions
.
Fix the agreement mistake
action
To conclude
, I believe that having bad
Correct article usage
a bad
relation
with Replace the word
relationship
parents
and stucking
in Verb problem
being stuck
wrong
friendship become factors that contribute Correct article usage
the wrong
in
a dramatic increase Change preposition
to
of
the Change preposition
in
persentage
of crime Correct your spelling
percentage
case
among Fix the agreement mistake
cases
teenagers
. However
, there are possible solutions
that can take
Wrong verb form
be taken
such
as fixing communication among teenagers
, parents
and school
. Fix the agreement mistake
schools
In addition
, holding a program like a webinar also
becomes very useful as a way to tackle this
case
.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear logical progression of ideas. Some points seem disjointed or abruptly introduced. Strive for smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. This helps to illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
task achievement
Carefully proofread to avoid small grammatical errors and to improve readability. For instance, "experineced a dramatic rose" should be "experienced a dramatic rise," and "wheather" should be "whether."
task achievement
You have included both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You've shown good insight into the issue by identifying several plausible causes and solutions.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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