IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The crime rate in teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries in recent years. What are the causes, and what are the solutions?

#crime #rate #teenagers #countries #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a dramatic increase in the percentage of crime among
youngsters
Use synonyms
 in a number of countries recently.
This
Linking Words
 essay will reveal
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the causes and put forward possible
solutions
Use synonyms
. There are many triggers that contribute
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
 the percentage of crime
experineced
Correct your spelling
experienced
 a dramatic
rose
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in many countries currently. One of them is because many
teenagers
Use synonyms
 nowadays face bad
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with their
parents
Use synonyms
. There is not
small
Change the article
a small
the small
show examples
 number of young people
have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
show examples
 to survive in bad
condition family
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions families
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as broken home
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon leads to
youngsters
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of attention, compassion and supervision from adults
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
. Because they feel there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no people who can take control
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 behaviour, they have a tendency to do criminal actions.
Additionally
Linking Words
, recently, the condition of
teenagers
Use synonyms
 that stuck in a wrong association
also
Linking Words
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 another reason.
Mostly
Correct your spelling
Most
show examples
youngsters
Use synonyms
 are not selective in choosing their friends. They never consider
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
this
Linking Words
 person will provide
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact or not.
As a result
Linking Words
, they often obtain negative impact from their friendship with
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 people that potentially affects their personal development. Turning on
solutions
Use synonyms
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of potential
solutions
Use synonyms
 for
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 can deal with
this
Linking Words
case
Use synonyms
 by improving communication with
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and stakeholders of the school. If there is a strong coordination between
parents
Use synonyms
,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 and school,
this
Linking Words
 will create a small probability for
youngsters
Use synonyms
 to do criminal
Use synonyms
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, conducting a useful webinar by inviting specialised experts in mental and physical development during
Correct article usage
the teenager
show examples
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 phase.
This
Linking Words
 program will gain more knowledge and make
teenagers
Use synonyms
becomes
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 more
wiseful
Correct your spelling
wistful
wise
wishful
 and careful in taking
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I believe that having
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
relation
Replace the word
relationship
show examples
 with
parents
Use synonyms
 and
stucking
Verb problem
being stuck
show examples
 in
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 friendship become factors that contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a dramatic increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
persentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of crime
Use synonyms
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
 among
teenagers
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are possible
solutions
Use synonyms
 that can
take
Wrong verb form
be taken
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as fixing communication among
teenagers
Use synonyms
,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, holding a program like a webinar
also
Linking Words
 becomes very useful as a way to tackle
this
Linking Words
case
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure clear logical progression of ideas. Some points seem disjointed or abruptly introduced. Strive for smoother transitions between points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your claims. This helps to illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
task achievement
Carefully proofread to avoid small grammatical errors and to improve readability. For instance, "experineced a dramatic rose" should be "experienced a dramatic rise," and "wheather" should be "whether."
task achievement
You have included both causes and solutions, which demonstrates a complete response to the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, providing a good framework for your essay.
task achievement
You've shown good insight into the issue by identifying several plausible causes and solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: