In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
In our modern world, most portion of
population
Add an article
the population
are
elder Change the verb form
is
people
and the number of youngsters are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
becuase
of the birth rate.Some Correct your spelling
because
people
ague
that it may Correct your spelling
argue
creat
Correct your spelling
create
troubles
for Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
government
and Correct article usage
the government
public
.Correct article usage
the public
This
phenomenon has pros and cons,however
, this
essay will express that the advntages
outweigh the drawbacks.
Correct your spelling
advantages
Firstly
, the issue occurs
to many families when Correct pronoun usage
that occurs
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
parents
get old is expense
. Add an article
the expense
an expense
While
people
live longer, they may get retirement and they should be supported financially by thier
children or governments. Correct your spelling
their
Usually
they Add a comma
Usually,
got
sick Wrong verb form
get
becuase
of their age and Correct your spelling
because
fimily
will experience a huge amount of costs .Correct your spelling
family
Moreover
, they may not get retirement therefore
, they can fill the job Add the comma(s)
, therefore
possition
Correct your spelling
position
instead
of yougers
.If Correct your spelling
yours
youngers
this
trend continues the number of unempolyed
adults will increase and it Correct your spelling
unemployed
creats
many problems Correct your spelling
creates
such
as anxiety and depression for them.
In contrast
, older people
have a lot of benefits in terms of expreince
and supporting youngsters.
Correct your spelling
experience
Grand
Correct your spelling
Grandparents
parents
have a huge data about subjects that are useful for adults such
as methods of controlling children.Many women that have thier
first child have trouble with their child and Correct your spelling
their
grand
Correct your spelling
grandparents
parents
are experts who can deal with this
issue.In addiotion
, they usually have a lot of save in their bank account and they prefer to invest them Correct your spelling
addition
on
their Change preposition
in
familis
member.Correct your spelling
family
families
For instance
, a man who wants to be a mechanic need
some Change the verb form
needs
mony
Correct your spelling
money
for
Change preposition
to
buyig
his tools and his Correct your spelling
buy
parents
can give him some part of their save
to meet the tools.
In Fix the agreement mistake
saves
coclusion
,there are some drawbacks Correct your spelling
conclusion
with
Change preposition
to
rising
the the age of living Correct your spelling
raising
such
as cost
of health and lack of job Correct article usage
the cost
possition
and Correct your spelling
position
positions
this problems
can bring pressure on governments and Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
public
.Correct article usage
the public
However
,in my opinion
the advantages like their support and Add a comma
opinion,
experince
can balance the cons.Correct your spelling
experience
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Please ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and properly encapsulate the main points of your essay. The introduction should set the tone and topic precisely, while the conclusion should confidently summarize your argument without introducing new ideas.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a more logical and cohesive structure. This includes using appropriate paragraphing, employing linking words effectively, and creating a thread that connects all parts of your text with your central argument.
Supported Main Points
To improve the supported main points within your essay, ensure each main idea has a clear example or evidence to back it up. The examples should be pertinent and enhance the reader's understanding of your point.
Complete Response
For a more complete response to the task, make sure to address all components of the prompt fully. This means discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic and making a clear judgment if the essay asks to what extent you agree or disagree.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
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Relevant Specific Examples
In using specific examples, make sure they are directly relevant to the point you are trying to make. The examples should be illustrative and directly support the argument you present, serving to strengthen your essay overall.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example