It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

#travel #mind #countries #first

In recent years, travelling has become even more accessible and affordable for most people. Some prefer to travel to local cities,

whereas

others are in favour of going abroad. It is essential to comprehend that the purposes of

this

activity vary from gaining entertainment and building connections to learning a certain culture. All in all, travelling does expand one's knowledge and enrichen their experience by offering them an extraordinary way of life.

Therefore

, visiting other parts of the world will undoubtedly allow us to be even more aware of how the whole wide world both differs and collides in harmony. In that case, there is an unquestionable opportunity for someone to obtain new information and adapt to a contrasting environment in a different country.

Besides

, exploring the world will offer the visitor cherished perspectives and not only material goods

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but

also

immaterial things.

Nonetheless

, seeking valuable memories

as well as

widening your experiences does not require you to go far and beyond. In fact, not far from where you are standing was where your ancestors and their offspring made their long life history. That being said, to have a journey in our very own land is to discover our roots.

While

this

is true, the order of one's decision to travel is utterly up to their preferences. To sum all up, the writer believes that

while

roaming to "the unknown" indeed serves us beautiful diversity, it is a must for all humans to be acquainted with their own homeland.

However

, there is no correct way to travel. If one would rather voyage to the

further

side of the map first than the closer side, they are the ones to make the call.

Submitted by writingielts0 on Thu Dec 28 2023

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Task Achievement

To improve your score in Task Achievement, expand on your ideas to address all parts of the question fully. While the overall response is complete, the essay misses the opportunity to provide specific examples to support the arguments presented. To achieve a higher score, elaborate on the learning aspects of travel and offer concrete examples or personal experiences. Additionally, address whether we should first explore our own countries with more depth and justification which would enhance the completeness of the response.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay demonstrates a logical sequence of ideas but can benefit from more cohesive devices and better paragraphing. To enhance your Coherence and Cohesion score, make sure each paragraph focuses on one central idea and use a range of linking words or phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly. Avoid long sentences without clear subordination or coordination, as they may challenge the reader's understanding of your arguments. Work on clear topic sentences and improved transitions to guide the reader through your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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It is said that travel broadens the mind. What can we learn by travelling to other countries? Should we first explore our own countries? What do you think?

Fully explain your ideas

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers.Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales positions

Why do students prefer doing part-time jobs during their studies? Do you ‎think this has more advantages or disadvantages?‎

It is often said that the government spend too much money on the projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problem that are more important. To what extent do you agree or disagree

“Groups and organizations form a vital part of people’s lives. Why do people join groups? What role do groups play in people’s lives? Support your opinion with specific reasons.”