Many believe that retirement age is strict to 65 years old , which is unfair. To what extent you agree or disagree ?
Government and corporations regulate the
retirement
age
for elderly
so that they can relax in their old Correct article usage
the elderly
age
. However
, many old people still
capable of working or even in desperate need to have a stable source of income for Add a missing verb
are still
theimselves
and their children. Some people believe that making people Correct your spelling
themselves
to
strictly stop working at Change preposition
apply
age
65 is not fair as they should be allowed to work
as long as they can and it also
allows ageism
mindset to Correct article usage
an ageism
company
. Correct article usage
the company
This
will be proven by discussing how maximum working age
regulation is a
discrimination towards the elderly and research that shows how working at Remove the article
apply
late
Add an article
a late
age
is good to reduce
Change preposition
for reducing
chance
of dementia.
Add an article
the chance
Firstly
, being able to work
and earning a salary for life support is a basic human rights
, which applies to everybody including Change the noun form
right
older
Correct article usage
the older
generation
, regardless the age
, race, and religion. For instance
, there are many kids who are unable to financially support their parents, which unfortunately force
the latter to Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
work
to help the family. Hence
, if the elderly is
in Change the verb form
are
the
healthy physical and mental state, it would have been better to allow them to Correct article usage
a
work
just like the younger generation
. Thus
, it makes it clear that a rigid retirement
age
should not be applied in a company as it is a form of discrimination for older
Add an article
the older
an older
generation
.
Secondly
, research
said that Add an article
the research
excercising
the brain to handle Correct your spelling
exercising
a
complex Correct article usage
apply
work
makes it not prone to dementia, which is the
strong reason why Correct article usage
a
elderly
should be allowed to Correct article usage
the elderly
work
in an
old Remove the article
apply
age
. For example
, some older generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
likes
to have their own activities in order to keep their brain working on a complex matter, Replace the word
like
such
as playing scribble
, gardening, crocheting, or even going to Wrong verb form
scribbling
work
. Hence
, forcefully stopping them from doing those things can lead their brain to slow down and eventually prone to dementia. Finally
, this
become
apparent that strict Change the verb form
becomes
retirement
age
can cause a deteoriation
of the elderly's health condition.
In conclusion, it is agreeable that strictly Correct your spelling
deterioration
set
the Wrong verb form
setting
retirement
age
to 65 years old is not only a form of discrimination towards the elderly, it also
not good for their health. The government and companies should have known better to facilitate the older Add a missing verb
is also
generation
instead
of cutting their rights' Correct your spelling
fulfilment
fullfilment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
Submitted by pink panther on
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task achievement
Ensure your essay is fully responsive to the task by specifically stating your position in the introduction and conclusion. While you provided a personal agreement to the notion that retirement should not be set strictly at 65, it is important to present this stance clearly and early in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay maintains logical sequencing and avoid redundancy or off-topic details. Align your paragraphs to follow a clear and concise progression of thought, linking ideas smoothly without repetition.
task achievement
To achieve a higher score, consider providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. Additionally, make sure your examples are directly related to your main arguments and are explored in detail.
coherence cohesion
Review and eliminate any minor grammatical or typographical errors to enhance the readability of your essay. Remember, precision in language use can improve both coherence and task achievement.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address the question by discussing both sides of the argument. Even if you have a strong opinion, the analysis of opposing viewpoints contributes to a well-rounded essay and comprehensive task response.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?