Many believe that retirement age is strict to 65 years old , which is unfair. To what extent you agree or disagree ?

#retirement #age #years

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Government and corporations regulate the

retirement

Use synonyms

age

Use synonyms

for

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

so that they can relax in their old

age

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, many old people

still

Add a missing verb

are still

show examples

capable of working or even in desperate need to have a stable source of income for

theimselves

Correct your spelling

themselves

and their children. Some people believe that making people

Change preposition

apply

show examples

strictly stop working at

age

Use synonyms

65 is not fair as they should be allowed to

work

Use synonyms

as long as they can and it

also

Linking Words

allows

ageism

Correct article usage

an ageism

show examples

mindset to

company

Correct article usage

the company

show examples

This

Linking Words

will be proven by discussing how maximum working

age

Use synonyms

regulation is

Remove the article

apply

show examples

discrimination towards the elderly and research that shows how working at

late

Add an article

a late

show examples

age

Use synonyms

is good

to reduce

Change preposition

for reducing

show examples

chance

Add an article

the chance

show examples

of dementia.

Firstly

Linking Words

, being able to

work

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and earning a salary for life support is a basic human

rights

Change the noun form

right

show examples

, which applies to everybody including

older

Correct article usage

the older

show examples

generation

Use synonyms

, regardless the

age

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, race, and religion.

For instance

Linking Words

, there are many kids who are unable to financially support their parents, which unfortunately

force

Correct subject-verb agreement

forces

show examples

the latter to

work

Use synonyms

to help the family.

Hence

Linking Words

, if the elderly

Change the verb form

are

show examples

the

Correct article usage

show examples

healthy physical and mental state, it would have been better to allow them to

work

Use synonyms

just like the younger

generation

Use synonyms

Thus

Linking Words

, it makes it clear that a rigid

retirement

Use synonyms

age

Use synonyms

should not be applied in a company as it is a form of discrimination for

older

Add an article

the older

an older

show examples

generation

Use synonyms

Secondly

Linking Words

research

Add an article

the research

show examples

said that

excercising

Correct your spelling

exercising

the brain to handle

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

complex

work

Use synonyms

makes it not prone to dementia, which is

the

Correct article usage

show examples

strong reason why

elderly

Correct article usage

the elderly

show examples

should be allowed to

work

Use synonyms

Remove the article

apply

show examples

old

age

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, some older

Use synonyms

generation

Fix the agreement mistake

generations

show examples

likes

Replace the word

show examples

to have their own activities in order to keep their brain working on a complex matter,

such

Linking Words

as playing

scribble

Wrong verb form

scribbling

show examples

, gardening, crocheting, or even going to

work

Use synonyms

Hence

Linking Words

, forcefully stopping them from doing those things can lead their brain to slow down and eventually prone to dementia.

Finally

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

become

Change the verb form

becomes

show examples

apparent that strict

retirement

Use synonyms

age

Use synonyms

can cause a

deteoriation

Correct your spelling

deterioration

of the elderly's health condition. In conclusion, it is agreeable that strictly

set

Wrong verb form

setting

show examples

the

retirement

Use synonyms

age

Use synonyms

to 65 years old is not only a form of discrimination towards the elderly, it

Linking Words

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

not good for their health. The government and companies should have known better to facilitate the older

generation

Use synonyms

instead

Linking Words

of cutting their rights'

Correct your spelling

fulfilment

fullfilment

Correct your spelling

fulfilment

Submitted by pink panther on Thu Dec 28 2023

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task achievement

Ensure your essay is fully responsive to the task by specifically stating your position in the introduction and conclusion. While you provided a personal agreement to the notion that retirement should not be set strictly at 65, it is important to present this stance clearly and early in the essay.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay maintains logical sequencing and avoid redundancy or off-topic details. Align your paragraphs to follow a clear and concise progression of thought, linking ideas smoothly without repetition.

task achievement

To achieve a higher score, consider providing more specific and varied examples to support your points. Additionally, make sure your examples are directly related to your main arguments and are explored in detail.

coherence cohesion

Review and eliminate any minor grammatical or typographical errors to enhance the readability of your essay. Remember, precision in language use can improve both coherence and task achievement.

task achievement

Make sure to fully address the question by discussing both sides of the argument. Even if you have a strong opinion, the analysis of opposing viewpoints contributes to a well-rounded essay and comprehensive task response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

376 words

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Many believe that retirement age is strict to 65 years old , which is unfair. To what extent you agree or disagree ?

Your opinion

Health services are a basic necessity. However, private companies have made them quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages?

The title "I had to show courage." Describe a circumstance where you had to exercise courage. What action of yours required a lot of bravery? Afterwards, did you feel proud of yourself? How did your surroundings respond?

We should fix the traffic and transportation by making everyone lives in the cities not suburbs or countrysides. What to extent do you agree or disagree?

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? * Social media networks = messaging and information exchange systems such as Facebook and Twitter.

Too much emphasis to given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?