IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some areas of the US, a curfew is imposed, in wh ich teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

#areas #curfew #wh #ich #teenagers #doors #time #night #adult
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The term '
curfew
' refers to the time limit that someone is allowed to be out. Curfews are often being imposed by parents in various places in the world, including the United States. One of the age groups that
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to stumble upon a
curfew
 is
teenagers
. Personally, I believe that
curfew
 is, in fact, necessary amongst
teenagers
.
Teenagers
, varying from the age
thirteen
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of thirteen
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 to eighteen, are the collections of youth
that
is
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are
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 going through the growing process of transitioning from being children to adults.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my standpoint, during that phase, which
are
Change the verb form
is
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 definitely filled with various crucial changes in their lives,
teenagers
 tend to have strong urges to try something new. As they just began to gain freedom and the free will of choices, the chances of them wanting to try something that might harm them
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 really high. Sure, they have the right to make their own choices and realize the consequences of their actions.
However
, there is a fine line between trying
out
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apply
show examples
something new out of curiosity and complying
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 an action
that is
 potentially harmful.
Thus
, the guidance of an adult in their activities is definitely needed. One might argue that
teenagers
 deserve their privacy and the freedom to make their own choices. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
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 that idea, up to a certain point. It is important for us, adults, to take
in
Change preposition
into
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 consideration that
this
 world is undeniably filled with dangers. The
nightime
Correct your spelling
night time
,
in particular
, is relatively the most dangerous
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
show examples
 of the day as the majority of people are asleep or on their
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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 to their beds. There is a lack of security during the night, considering how the streets are probably empty. Taking all of that into account, I strongly believe that
curfew
Correct article usage
a curfew
show examples
 is a necessity
amongst
Change preposition
for
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teenagers
. There are certainly safer ways for
teenagers
 to engage in new things and
exploring
Wrong verb form
explore
show examples
 their freedoms during the day. In my opinion, there is no
such
 thing as an experience
that is
 good enough for anyone to willingly sacrifice their own safety
,
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apply
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 or even their future.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay includes a clear introduction which outlines the topic and previews the main points that will be discussed. Implementing clear and coherent topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would further strengthen the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to have a conclusion that summarizes the key arguments made in the essay and clearly states your position on the topic. Avoid introducing new points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with supporting evidence or examples. Providing tangible evidence or citing specific scenarios will add weight to the arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task, ensuring that the response is relevant throughout. This includes taking a clear position and consistently maintaining that position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Enhance the essay by making ideas more comprehensive and exploring them in more depth. This could involve analyzing contrasting viewpoints and discussing the implications or consequences of the arguments made.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate arguments. This could involve drawing from current events, personal experiences, or hypothetical situations that clearly relate to the topic and strengthen your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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