IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, international tourism is the biggest industry in the world. Unfortunately, international tourism creates tension rather than understanding between people from different cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#tourism #industry #world #tension #people #different #cultures
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International
tourism
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 is considered the largest company in the
world
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 these days. Some think it is the reason for many misunderstandings among different individuals based on traditions.
However
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, it is not the cause of various conflicts
instead
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 of
this
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, it is a good
source
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 of economy and boosts connections with the
people
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 of other regions.
Therefore
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 is disagree with the above statement and will discuss it in detail in
this
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 essay below.
To begin
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 with, the industry of
tourism
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 plays a crucial role in increasing the financial status of the nation.
Therefore
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, most countries are promoting
tourism
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 in today's
world
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 to show their best side to the
world
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 and call different
people
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 around the
world
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 to make them aware of their traditions and heritage. In Asian nations, like Pakistan, the
people
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 living there are making various types of vlogs and showing scenic views to
people
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 throughout the
world
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 who get attracted to their videos.
Consequently
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, many visitors go there and explore their culture and cuisine and enjoy it
hence
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 raising the wealth system of the country.
Secondly
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, it helps to promote trading throughout the
world
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due to
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this
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 action they try to export their goods to various other bucolics and get the amount from them
also
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.
For instance
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, Pakistan's textile industry is famous for its work
therefore
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, they get orders in high quantities from various regions that will help them boost their economy.
Furthermore
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, it is a good
source
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 to enhance their bond with other
people
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 of the
world
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 like many
people
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 are leaving their motherland and migrating towards European countries. The number of students who are studying there
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 their culture and
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tells
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tell
Correct subject-verb agreement
tells
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 about the traditional values to their fellow students. It is a good gesture that they share their moral values and telling each other about their traditions it creates a co-ordinate bond between them.
On the contrary
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, they can easily understand the sentiments of others and value their culture and tradition
instead
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 of making disputes. In conclusion, it is the fact that in going time
tourism
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 is considered the best
source
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 for earning money.
Therefore
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,
this
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 is not only the
source
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 of money-making but
also
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 the reason for bringing
people
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 of different cultures and societies together and spreading love and care through their
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure an appropriate introduction and conclusion are used that clearly address the topic and present your position. Your introduction and conclusion were not effectively presented which impacts the clarity of your position and the overall response to the prompt.
logical structure
While your essay presents main points, they are not always developed coherently. Your arguments would benefit from clearer logical connections and smoother transitions between points, enhancing the overall readability.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas you are presenting should be distilled into a clearer, more comprehensive form. Some points were not fully expanded upon, and as a result, your arguments may not appear well-supported.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided need to be more relevant and specific to effectively illustrate the argument. Aim to provide clear examples that directly support your main points and enhance your argument.
complete response
Ensure that the response directly addresses the given task. Your essay made relevant points concerning tourism and cultural understanding but at times the focus shifted away from how tourism could potentially create tension.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • cultural exchange
  • misunderstandings
  • stereotypes
  • disrespectful
  • inappropriate
  • fostering understanding
  • appreciation
  • direct interactions
  • shared experiences
  • personal connections
  • promoting peace
  • global understanding
  • exposing individuals
  • preconceived notions
  • biases
  • cultural sensitivity training
  • community-driven tourism initiatives
  • responsible tourism
  • sustainable tourism practices
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