IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

he diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. The diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

he diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. The diagrams below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.
#diagrams #show #park #first
The maps
depicts
Change the verb form
depict
show examples
 the
layput
Correct your spelling
layout
 of a public
park
 in 1920 when it first opened and to the present ,
Overall
, it is clearly apparent that
thereare
Correct your spelling
there are
 great
alteration
Fix the agreement mistake
alterations
show examples
 that happening in Grange
Park
. The most noticeable being the construction of
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
 garden and the renovation of
tage
Correct article usage
the tage
show examples
 that musicians used. Looking at the past map, in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the
park
 there was
fountain
Add an article
a fountain
the fountain
show examples
, which
later
Add a missing verb
was later
show examples
 replaced by the construction of
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
 garden. In the past, there were three rose gardens scattered around the
park
, but the one that
still
Add a missing verb
was still
show examples
 in
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 original position was the one on the left side of
north
Add an article
the north
show examples
 entrance. Meanwhile, all the seats
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 moved to give space for other facilities, they were moved to the centre of the
park
 circling every side of
rose
Add an article
the rose
a rose
show examples
 garden Moving to the place where the musicians used to
played
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 their instruments, the stage. It was demolished to
constructed
Wrong verb form
construct
show examples
Correct article usage
an aphitheatle
show examples
aphitheatle
Correct your spelling
amphitheatre
 for concerts. On the
contary
Correct your spelling
contrary
, the pond for water plants
also
 got removed, but it was later replaced by
water
Add an article
a water
show examples
 feature that
builded
Correct your spelling
built
show examples
 in front of the original position.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 new construction
such
 as
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
 next to
Arnild
Correct article usage
the Arnild
show examples
 Avanue entrance and
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 entrance that can be accessed by
passanger
Correct your spelling
passengers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
park
 their car in
underground
Add an article
the underground
an underground
show examples
 car
park
.
Submitted by nientjeninan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words park with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "moved" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • transformation
  • developments
  • modifications
  • landscaping
  • recreational needs
  • enhance
  • functionality
  • vegetation
  • environmental conservation
  • infrastructure improvements
  • community involvement
  • diverse groups
  • outdoor activities
  • environmental stewardship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: