IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Some believe travel is overrated. People argue whether travel is or is not a component of a quality education. To what extent do you agree with it?

#believe #travel #people #component #quality #education
I strongly agree with the opinion that travel is a part of valuable education. First of all, To make
Correct article usage
a shcedule
show examples
shcedule
Correct your spelling
schedule
 of travel is creating your own itinerary is a great learning experience. You will have to think about things that
they
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
 would not normally think about during student
life
,
such
 as how to save money and how to use your time, and
this
 will be extremely useful once you enter the workforce.
Secondly
, traveling and experiencing different cultures can be very meaningful to
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
life
. You may have new dreams and goals, or your current dreams may become more concrete. Of course, I don't think that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 is the most important thing in
life
.
However
, I believe that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 can definitely enrich your
life
.
Submitted by akanematsunaga1030 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a logical structure by providing a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each of these parts should be easily distinguishable and should serve their specific purposes. Your essay lacked a clear conclusion which is crucial to summarize your views and reinforce your argument.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points further by providing more concrete examples, details, or explanations. While you provided a general overview, more depth is needed to effectively convey your argument. Specific examples add weight to your answer and illustrate your points more convincingly.
task achievement
Try to provide a complete response to the essay question. While you have stated agreement with the idea that travel can be a valuable part of education, the extent of your agreement (which is crucial in this type of essay) is not fully articulated. Provide a more nuanced argument that covers a range of perspectives.
task achievement
Clarify and develop your ideas to improve comprehension. Your essay should present clear and widespread thoughts on the topic, ensuring the reader understands your position and reasoning. You also need to avoid vague statements and overly generalized arguments, aiming instead for clear and precise expression of your ideas.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to support your ideas. Examples serve as evidence and make your argument more persuasive by showing how your ideas apply in a real-world context. You touched on this briefly, but more detailed and specific instances would greatly strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • expands horizons
  • diverse cultures
  • open-mindedness
  • cultural appreciation
  • hands-on learning
  • historical locations
  • natural wonders
  • geography
  • independence
  • problem-solving
  • financial constraints
  • physical disabilities
  • contingent upon
  • virtual travel
  • immersive learning experiences
  • experiential learning
  • traditional classroom education
  • structured knowledge
  • theoretical foundations
  • environmental impact
  • air travel
What to do next:
Look at other essays: