Leisure is a growing industry. Nowadays, more of modern technology is used in entertainment, which may lead people to be less creative. Do you agree or disagree? state your view with examples.
In today's world, digital
entertainment
is rapidly catching Use synonyms
attention
of Add an article
the attention
people
from around the world. Use synonyms
People
being able to access Use synonyms
mulitple
things on a single platform has increased Correct your spelling
multiple
it's
demand. Some Replace the word
its
people
believe that modern Use synonyms
technology
has enhanced the quality of Use synonyms
entertainment
and leisure, Use synonyms
whereas
others claim that digital media has erased the creativity and imagination of an individual. I agree Linking Words
to
the fact that Change preposition
with
people
are Use synonyms
loosing
their ability to learn and be creative Replace the word
losing
due to
modern Linking Words
technology
.
Children are now having access to devices like Use synonyms
smart phones
and tablets from a very young age. Correct your spelling
smartphones
Instead
of attending a painting Linking Words
class
, children prefer drawing and painting on their smart devices. These devices eat Use synonyms
childrens
ability to imagine in performing arts and crafts by providing various shortcuts in performing even simplest of the tasks.
Apart from these, Change to a genitive case
children's
entertainments
like Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
broadway
shows, stage dramas, pottery etc., are Capitalize word
Broadway
loosing
Replace the word
losing
thier
importance. Correct your spelling
their
People
are more interested in watching movies and web series Use synonyms
at
the comfort of their homes.
Teenagers are the most influenced Change preposition
in
due to
modern Linking Words
technology
. Use synonyms
For instance
, increasing virtual and video games have made youngsters less interested in physical sports, Linking Words
imapcting
their mental and physical health. Correct your spelling
impacting
This
has Linking Words
also
reduced communication and loss of Linking Words
idea
and knowledge sharing, making an individual mentally weak.
In older times, Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
people
used to attend classes Use synonyms
pyshically
, Correct your spelling
physically
psychically
for example
, I used to attend painting Linking Words
class
, art and crafts Use synonyms
class
, Use synonyms
PT
Correct word choice
and PT
class
in school. Use synonyms
Now a days
children are provided with e-learning.
All these factors contribute to a child's mental health.
To Correct the word
Nowadays
summaries
, even though digital Replace the word
summarise
entertainment
has its own benefits, its demerits like restricting an Use synonyms
individuals
creativity and mental growth Change noun form
individual's
outweighs
its merits. Change the verb form
outweigh
Hence
, the use of modern Linking Words
technology
in Use synonyms
entertainment
and leisure must be kept to a limit.Use synonyms
Submitted by sai.shruti17.d on
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Task Response
Task Response: While your essay addresses the prompt, your argument could be strengthened by providing a more balanced perspective, presenting both sides of the argument before stating your agreement or disagreement. You should expand on the implications of the loss of creativity and how it impacts various areas of life. Develop your ideas fully and include more specific examples that directly relate to the question.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay does show organization, but it can be improved significantly. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Pay close attention to paragraphing, as your essay could benefit from clearer separation of ideas. Additionally, make sure you have a clear thesis statement in your introduction and a summarizing conclusion that echoes the main points of your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.