IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The Economic process has been
a
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one of significant topics for governments and their nations for years. The governments think that the growth of economic progress is a priority key factor for development
together with
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this
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 idea they think It must be
first
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the first
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 issue
to
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for
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 countries. A group of people believe that the other titles
for instance
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 health
system
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, education and law issues must find
a
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the
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 same golden place in progress which is prepared by politicians. I am a supporter of the first view. In the following parts, I will try to explain why I think like that.
To begin
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 with, We can clearly see that the developed countries in our world try to make everything about sufficient money for their aims which give their society a good lifestyle.
For instance
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; the USA and the United Kingdom. These unions know that, on the condition that you have a powerful financial source, you could establish various systems far better.
Nonetheless
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, The majority of the community does have not
this
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 awareness,
thus
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, they support the latter opinion.
On the other hand
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, The reports of experts show the people who illustrate examples for second opinion seem to have claimed education
system
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 , health
system
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 and justice
system
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 may create successful individuals and in
this
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 way, the lands of nations maintain their growth.
However
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, From my perspective, providing you have a stable and improving economy you can have time and chance to work for these as you want to. When we look at Africa , The society who inhabit those poor lands can focus only on ailments because they always starve
due to
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 thinking other titles are not meaningful to them.
To sum up
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, Every
system
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 about
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 of countries can be important.
However
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, That economic development is the most prominent subject is
an
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undeniable for development

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a logical and clear structure which is essential for the reader to follow your arguments without confusion. You should introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence and follow it with supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they can be improved. The introduction should more clearly present both sides of the argument and your thesis statement. The conclusion should reinforce your opinion without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
You provided some main points to support your position, but they need to be developed further. Each point should be elaborated with more detailed explanations, evidence, or examples to demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The response is generally complete, but it only partially addresses all parts of the task. Ensure you spend equal time discussing both views thoroughly before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
While your ideas are somewhat clear, they need to be articulated in a more comprehensive manner. It is important to expand your ideas with clarity and depth to fully address the question prompt and show a complete understanding of the issues.
task achievement
Examples used to illustrate points are relevant, but you should aim to include a range of specific examples in your essay to show a deeper level of analysis and understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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