IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Natural resources such as oil, forests and freshwater are being consumed at an alarming rate all around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve these problems?

#resources #oil #forests #rate #world
In
this
 modern era, with the advancement of technology humans have been faced with
marked
Correct article usage
a marked
show examples
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in the number of natural
resources
. consuming of oil, gas, and freshwater are in warning mood in the whole world. There will be a lot of negative consequences for
this
 issue, and government should take steps to solve these problems. One of the biggest issues caused by the diminution of natural
resources
 is global warming which is a serious matter these days
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
have many
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 irreparable
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 both humans and our planet.
For example
, the level of seas and oceans is being increased by absorbing the ice at the
north
Capitalize word
North
show examples
 Pole and south
Pole
Fix the agreement mistake
poles
show examples
 and
this
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 could have a significant impact on
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of
marine’s
Change noun form
marine
show examples
 species. On top of that, individuals experience
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of a lot of
resources
 like water, green spaces and oil and gas reserves.
For instance
, by warming of the
weather
Add a comma
weather,
show examples
 we do not have any rainy days and as long as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we do not have rainy days the air will be polluted, it could be caused numerous illnesses
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 humans and
besides
 that the reserves of freshwater in
mountains
Correct article usage
the mountains
show examples
 will decrease just like what the residents of a megacity like Tehran are experiencing now. We can look at these issues from different angles, to tackle the problems caused by
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of natural
resources
, the government should take
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
Firstly
, it is better for authorities
replace
Add the particle
to replace
show examples
 fossil fuels with renewable energy.
For example
, they could design many kinds of equipment which could
be produce
Change the verb form
produce
show examples
 energy by wind or sun
instead
 of using gas or oil.
Moreover
, they should set a number of rules like a traffic plan for all people in society, and
this
 rule not only, could
decline
Verb problem
reduce
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution, but it
also
 could reduce the consumption of petrol, which is one of the most significant fossil fuels.
Furthermore
, they should construct green spaces like, parks and forests more and more, to put it simply
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that way they could decrease these kinds of issues. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to reduce these matters by the government contributing.
Submitted by zahra.hmt88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Work on developing a clearer logical structure within paragraphs and throughout the essay. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences that expand, explain, or support that idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction and conclusion are more distinct and effective. The introduction should set the stage for the essay, while the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis in light of the evidence presented.
coherence cohesion
Expand and elaborate on your main points by providing more detailed arguments, explanations, and examples. Your essay could benefit from more specific examples that directly support your arguments.
task achievement
Aim to provide a more complete response to the task by covering all parts of the prompt. You should equally address the problems caused and the potential solutions to the consumption of natural resources.
task achievement
Strive for greater clarity and depth in your ideas. Your essay should clearly state the issues and offer a comprehensive insight into the problems and solutions of resource consumption.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples given should be directly linked to the issue at hand and should be used to strengthen the arguments you're making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: