IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people travel to foreign countries during their vacations. Others think that it is better to travel within their home countries. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some choose to visit other countries,
while
Linking Words
 others prefer domestic trips
while
Linking Words
 on holiday.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both points of view and why I believe that international travel would make for better holidays than exploring one's home country.    On the one hand, individuals can enjoy their vacations more thoroughly and without
stress
Use synonyms
 when they travel to places in their own countries.
Firstly
Linking Words
, vacationers have more accommodation and transport options and can choose the ones that best cater to them compared to those that are offered abroad.
This
Linking Words
 is because long flights and layovers are usually not necessary when staying within the country's borders.
Instead
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can indulge in sheer luxury
that is
Linking Words
 not normally affordable,
such
Linking Words
 as spending several nights at 5-star hotels or treating themselves to gourmet meals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the preparation for domestic trips is usually far less stressful because
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 do not face language barriers, and they
also
Linking Words
 do not need to prepare documents,
such
Linking Words
 as passports and visa applications, beforehand.       
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I support the view that spending holidays in foreign countries is a more ideal choice because
people
Use synonyms
 can reap the benefits of being away from
stress
Use synonyms
 factors at home and
thus
Linking Words
 feel more rejuvenated afterwards. For a start, a perfect getaway often consists of exploring an exotic culture. Individuals are under constant mental and psychological pressure
while
Linking Words
 in environments that are similar to the places that make them anxious,
such
Linking Words
 as their workplaces or schools. In
this
Linking Words
 case, trips to places completely different from their hometowns can help them reduce their
stress
Use synonyms
 levels because hardly anything would remind them of the
stress
Use synonyms
 factors back home.
In addition
Linking Words
,
as a result
Linking Words
 of a good vacation,
people
Use synonyms
 can experience a complete rejuvenation, which is surely beneficial.          In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 domestically during holidays allows for more luxurious options and fewer hurdles, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 can completely get rid of
stress
Use synonyms
 and feel more refreshed after exploring overseas destinations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, presenting a discussion of both viewpoints and a personal opinion. However, you should include more specific examples to illustrate your points for full marks in task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay does have a logical flow with clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure each paragraph's main idea is concisely stated and developed without veering off-topic for the highest marks in coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: