IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies of shopping online?

#people #individuals #companies
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Shopping online played an important part in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 life. We all see that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 more and more
people
Use synonyms
 prefer shopping online than shopping at
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
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. The reason is
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 convenient for
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have a lot of time to get to the store or hate crowded. They just sit at home and search for
products
Use synonyms
what
Correct word choice
that
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 they need with simple steps. Another advantage is that you can read
describe
Replace the word
the description
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 or review of
other customer
Change the wording
another customer
other customers
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 before you make a decision
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
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 something. You can have a lot of benefits when you buy online because
selller
Correct your spelling
sellers
 sometimes will have some
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
show examples
 and
voucher
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vouchers
show examples
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cheaper price at
Add an article
the store
a store
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store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 so you can save lots of money. Deliver service to your home and sometimes you do not need to pay for
this
Linking Words
 service. Seller
also
Linking Words
 has benefits
such
Linking Words
 as they can sell their
products
Use synonyms
 to all
people
Use synonyms
 around the world, they do not need to pay money
for
Change preposition
to
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 hire a place or investment. They
also
Linking Words
 can sell at flexible
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 with
consumer
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consumers
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. It
casuse
Correct your spelling
causes
people
Use synonyms
buy
Fix the infinitive
to buy
show examples
 many
unnescessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 things that can waste lots of money. Another example is
people
Use synonyms
 can not touch or feel the
products
Use synonyms
 directly when
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 buy or the things
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 buy
not
Add a missing verb
are not
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 as
your
Correct pronoun usage
they
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expectation
Replace the word
expect
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
products
Use synonyms
 may be
damage
Wrong verb form
damaged
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 when
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivered
show examples
 and you have to wait to ask
refund
Add an article
the refund
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 or return
this
Linking Words
 product. With the seller, they can have
Add an article
the affect
an affect
show examples
affect
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effect
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their loss
profits
Change preposition
of profits
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 because some
people
Use synonyms
 return
products
Use synonyms
 without any
reasonable
Replace the word
reason
show examples
. They really hard to gain more
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 again. They must compete with each other
seller
Fix the agreement mistake
sellers
show examples
 on price and quality of
products
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by jakelong16091994 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are fundamental for structuring any IELTS essay. There should be a defined opening paragraph that introduces the topic and a closing paragraph that summarizes your arguments and perspective.
Logical structure
The organization of ideas within your essay is somewhat haphazard. It is important to sequence information logically, creating paragraphs that each focus on one main idea. Connect sentences and paragraphs more clearly using linking words and phrases.
Supported Main Points
While you have provided several points to support the advantages and disadvantages, the development of ideas is quite superficial. Deepen your analysis and try to provide more elaborated explanations and detailed examples for each point raised. This will make your essay more compelling and coherent.
Complete Response & Clear, Comprehensive Ideas
You have addressed the task but the response is incomplete. Include both sides of the argument more explicitly in all parts of your essay. The ideas presented need to be more comprehensive and articulated in a clearer manner to fully satisfy the prompt's requirements.
Relevant, Specific Examples
While you have given examples, aim to give more specific illustrations that relate directly to the advantages and disadvantages mentioned, which will enhance the relevancy and effectiveness of your examples. Remember to substantiate your points with detailed evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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