Many children are encouraged by their parents to get a part-time job in their free time. what are the advantages and disadvantages of children doing so.
A large number of parents are motivated by their young people to occupation during their leisure
time
. However
, after-school jobs like an excellent focus on the use of free time
. This
motivates some cons to impact. In this
essay, I will discuss both sides of getting a part-time
job
after school hours.
Firstly
, one of the pros of part-time
employment is that it will give young people real-life employment skills such
as how to complete an occupation entreaty, how to face well interview. For instance
, according to
the Surely Keep by the University of California the majority of teenagers who used to work after school are getting their company than teenagers who have not had any work. Therefore
, one of the pros of a part-time
engagement is it will give children real work experience.
On the other hand
, there are certain cons to going to a part-time
job
for example
, while
working students will not have time
to study and finish school-related homework. Because they will be exhausted and they will need time
for rest. This
being busy with the job
while
learning might have part-time
employment lost in the future studies.
In conclusion, a part-time
job
during school years might offer some be if its
to young people. Correct pronoun usage
it
However
, the cons impact of working at a young age can not be overlooked. The student should be rejected from getting a job
if might affect their studies.Submitted by manushamanu1024 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay's logical structure is weak and does not flow in a coherent manner. Sentences are often fragmented and do not form a clear argument. Focus on creating a more logical structure by connecting ideas and creating clear paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but are not clearly articulated or effective in setting up and summarizing the main points of the essay. Work on creating a strong introduction that outlines your arguments and a conclusion that effectively summarizes them and gives a final opinion or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
While the essay attempts to support main points, the arguments presented are not fully developed or well-supported with specific examples or evidence. Strive to include clear, relevant examples that reinforce your main points, and explain how they relate to your argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is complete, but it lacks depth and clarity. Be sure to develop ideas more comprehensively to fully address the prompt. Avoid making broad statements without giving detailed explanations or examples.
task achievement
The ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear, but they lack comprehensiveness and specificity, which would make them more persuasive and effective. Aim to clearly communicate your ideas by explaining them in greater detail and by providing specific, actionable examples.
task achievement
Examples provided are relevant, but they are not specific enough to effectively support the argument. Try to include more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your points and demonstrate a clear understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.