IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree?Find essays with the same topic

#people #sports #violence #arts #tv #competitions #essays #topic
Some people are
worries
Correct your spelling
worried
show examples
 an
extrem
Correct your spelling
extreme
 international
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,
such
 as boxing and material arts can
be distruction
Verb problem
destroy
show examples
children
 when they watch
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
TV
.
Event
Correct your spelling
Even
show examples
 though musculin
sport
 is good exercise for
make
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 bodies appearance good, I
wholeheardly
Correct your spelling
wholeheartedly
 agree with that statement,
children
 can copy their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 and it
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 good for
children
's development. Some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 are
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
watch
Wrong verb form
in watching
show examples
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 sports, because they think it
like
Add a missing verb
is like
show examples
 an
intertaiment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
brush
Wrong verb form
brushing
show examples
 their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 after getting tired from working or maybe
bore
Change the form of the verb
bored
show examples
.
while
 it
like
Add a missing verb
is like
show examples
Correct article usage
a favories
show examples
favories
Correct your spelling
favourite
sport
, so they could spend more time on
TV
 to support their teams or
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 fighter.
For Instance
, MMA International
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
that is
Add an article
a
show examples
famous
sport
 in the world.
Therefore
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 love
Fix the infinitive
to spend
show examples
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
 more and more time on
TV
 to get
intertaiments
Correct your spelling
entertainment
.
However
,
children
 who are
waching
Correct your spelling
watching
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 lead to
copy
Wrong verb form
copying
show examples
hursh
Correct your spelling
their
 actions. Parents must be aware and take responsibility
to monitor
Change preposition
for monitoring
show examples
 their
children
 when
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 stay on
TV
,because they
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 no which
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 are
ivable
Correct your spelling
able
 to watch.
For example
, Watch cartoon movies or Tedtalk
especial
Change the word
especially
show examples
 for
chilld
Correct your spelling
child
. It
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 and develop their
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 and has
postives entertaiment
Correct your spelling
positive entertainment
.
In addition
, watching
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 shows might
brind
Correct your spelling
have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
invornment
Correct your spelling
environment
. They will
fear
Add the particle
fear to
show examples
 scare and have
trouma
Correct your spelling
trouble
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 it. They will
scare
Wrong verb form
be scared
show examples
 to socialisation with others.
For example
,
children
 can bully their friends in school by
copy
Change the verb form
copying
show examples
 their
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
show examples
 when they watch.
However
, as
parents
Add a comma
parents,
show examples
 we must
selective
Add a missing verb
be selective
show examples
to choose
Change preposition
in choosing
show examples
chanel
Correct your spelling
channel
 programs for
childre
Correct your spelling
children
. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
. Some people
are argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that hurds sports
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
,
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
boxing and
matial
Correct your spelling
martial
material
art
Fix the agreement mistake
arts
show examples
 on
TV
 must be canceled. It can brig
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
young generation and I stand with
this
, If they
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 it and
subconcious
Correct your spelling
subconsciously
 will
bullying
Wrong verb form
bully
show examples
 their friends. As wise
parents
Add a comma
parents,
show examples
 we must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
choose
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 for
educated
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
 our
children
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas presented somewhat haphazardly. It's critical to clearly organize your essay into an introduction, body paragraphs each with a single main idea, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they need to be more clearly defined. Ensure that your introduction sets out the topic and your viewpoint, and the conclusion summarizes the essay and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but are not always well-supported. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, or arguments to support it.
task achievement
You need to make sure your response fully addresses all parts of the task. Be sure to give a balanced view before presenting your own opinion.
task achievement
Ideas are present but not developed clearly or comprehensively. Make sure to expand on your ideas with detailed explanations and relevant examples.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but they need to be developed further. Remember to explain how they support your argument and link them back to your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: