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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the number of books read by men and women at Burnaby Public Library from 2011 to 2014. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The given line chart depicts the comparison between
books
Use synonyms
red
Correct your spelling
read
show examples
 by men and women at Burnaby Public Library in 4 years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of
books
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 read by men shows an increasing trend over the period,
while
Linking Words
 the women
presents
Change the verb form
present
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 the fall after 2013. There were around 3000
books
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 that were read by men in 2011. The number gradually increased to 4000 in a year.
However
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant rise was shown in 2012,
where
Correct word choice
when
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 it went up
for
Change preposition
by
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 more than double in a year.
Finally
Linking Words
, it improved to 14,000 in 2014.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, women spent around 5000 articles in 2011. There was
then
Linking Words
 an upward trend in 2013, which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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rose twice as
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
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 as in 2011.
However
Linking Words
, the number went down after reaching the peak
to
Change preposition
of
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 around 7000
books
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words books with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "went up" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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