IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People have different opinions about the impact of advertising on our lives. Some believe it's beneficial, while others think it's harmful. Discuss both views and provide your perspective.

It is certainly true that, in today’s world, we are seeing
quite
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quite a
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 lot of
advertisements
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 for every small thing across the globe. It is often argued that
,
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apply
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impact
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the impact
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 of the promotion
to
Change preposition
of
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 any
product
Use synonyms
 might both
supported
Add a missing verb
be supported
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 and refuted by many. Both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sides of
this
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 argument will be analysed before the reasoned conclusion is drawn.
Firstly
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, few individuals including myself, believe that
,
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apply
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 we have several benefits with the
advertisements
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. The major advantage is we can choose
best
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the best
show examples
product
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 based on several factors
such
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 as cost, quality, manufacturing details
and
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apply
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etc.
For instance
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, one of my friends was looking to buy a car and he
has
Wrong verb form
had
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 been investigating for three months to find
better
Add an article
a better
the better
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 option within his budget
and
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apply
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after three months
struggle
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of struggle
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, he found
one
Correct determiner usage
the
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 best deal through an advertisement. From
this
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 it is quite evident that we have good benefits with the promotion an any
product
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.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, opponents hold the opinion that
,
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apply
show examples
advertisements
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 are costly.
In addition
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 to
this
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, they feel that
,
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apply
show examples
 watching promotions costs them quality time.
As a result
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, customers from
this
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 category will not spend time
on
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apply
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watching ads and few entrepreneurs from the same category will not show interest
to advertise
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in advertising
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 their products.
For example
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, my uncle is a
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
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 as he owns a mobile store and
don’t
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doesn’t
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 like to advertise his products. With
this
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, it is easy to see why they feel
advertisements
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 are harmful and it could
also
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 be plausible.
To conclude
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, there may be
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 demerits with the promotions,
however
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, we have
quite
Change the article
quite a
show examples
 number of benefits
such
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 as identifying the right
product
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as well as
Linking Words
 good revenue for
business
Add an article
the business
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 as promotions will spread the news about the
product
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’s quality.
Therefore
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, I wholeheartedly, opine that, we have several advantages with the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 over disadvantages.

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coherence cohesion
Consider developing your introduction with a more nuanced opening statement, leading into a clearer overview of the essay. Precision in paraphrasing the question can improve textual cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Transition between ideas could be smoother. For better cohesion, use a wider range of linking words and phrases that will help in connecting sentences and paragraphs more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally focus on one central idea, which should be clearly stated in a topic sentence. Ensure that subsequent sentences elaborate on that idea with explanations and examples.
task achievement
Ensure you fully address all parts of the task. The essay should extend discussion on both the benefits and drawbacks of advertising, with a balanced comparison that leads to a clear personal standpoint.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in expressing your ideas. Avoid complex sentences that may lead to garmmatical errors or diminish the readability of the text. Simplify sentence structure while maintaining a formal tone.
task achievement
Use examples that are directly relevant to the task and develop them further to support your points. Make sure these examples are detailed and specific to make your argument more persuasive.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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