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Writing Samples
Band 7

the chart shows that male and female teacheres in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010

the chart shows that male and female teacheres in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010
The bar chart illustrates the distribution of tutors by gender in six various forms of educational level in the UK during 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the chart shows that females working as teachers outnumbered males in nursery and primary school, the rates of
men
Use synonyms
 working as tutors in secondary school were quite similar. Other than that, the number of
men
Use synonyms
 working in high-level education was higher than
women
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 there was no significant difference between those two gender at college.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there were dramatically more
women
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
 teaching in the nursery and primary school with females making up around 90 and 95% respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the chart
also
Linking Words
 shows that the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 only had a slight difference with
women
Use synonyms
 at around 50%.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the only category with
men
Use synonyms
 holding exactly the same number of positions as
women
Use synonyms
 was at the college.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the most popular occupancies for
men
Use synonyms
 were working as tutors in high-level education
such
Linking Words
 as Private Training institutes and at the university, which contributed to around 50% and 70% respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the distribution of males working at universities doubled more than females, there was no difference in the number of those two
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 working at colleges.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational setting
  • gender disparity
  • workforce distribution
  • primary education
  • secondary education
  • further education
  • higher education
  • adult education
  • trends
  • implications
  • representation
  • gender roles
  • societal views
  • significant differences
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