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Band 5.5

In many countries, the crimes rate amongst underaged people has been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

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The criminal issues in numerous nations these days have been increasing
due to
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 several pervasive reasons. I believe it can be addressed with some notions and in
this
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 essay, I will delve into these both points in detail. Since we are currently living in a technological advancement era, it is undeniable that there are primary reasons why juveniles, particularly underage, nowadays become criminals. Two main causes of these problems are games and social media because they play crucial roles in terms of influencing young generations' behaviours.
For example
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, Mortal Combat, a well-known video game, offers war and violence content, which may be imitated by them in their real lives.
Besides
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 that, a street fight video on TikTok is
also
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 able to go viral easily, so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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adolescents tend to mimic it with their mates or other people, which can be harmful.
Hence
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, these factors should be considered as remarkable rationales
why
Change preposition
for why
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 the number of crimes among children has been growing. In order to overcome these challenges, some stakeholders, namely the governments, parents, and teachers, should work hand-in-hand in order to generate supportive solutions.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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governments are able to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
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strict
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 regarding age limits for accessing any games and social media applications. Meanwhile, parents and teachers can educate children about several fruitful personalities, namely, being thoughtful, generous, and kind,
while
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 treating humans, so later, they will be more considerate before threatening or hurting their classmates or others.
Therefore
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, working together to accomplish the primary crime issues among juveniles is necessary. In conclusion, a huge number of crimes with young generations as perpetrators has been an upward trend recently because of a variety of excuses,
for instance
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, games and social media applications. To solve it, stakeholders are demanded to work collectively.

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structure
Ensure that your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The body paragraphs should focus on explaining causes and solutions, respectively.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overuse. Phrases like 'for instance' and 'therefore' help, but ensure they connect ideas effectively.
supporting details
Provide specific examples to illustrate each point, but make sure they are detailed enough to convincingly support your arguments.
task response
Address all parts of the task by discussing both causes and solutions. Ensure that your solutions are directly related to the causes you have identified.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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