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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows annual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries

The graph below shows annual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in some countries
#water #usage #millions #meters #industries #countries
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The graph shows information about the number of annual utilizing
water
Use synonyms
 by various types of
industries
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fuel, foods and drinks, machinery, metal, chemicals, paper, and textiles in some nations. As can be seen from the graphs, it is obvious that the highest
water
Use synonyms
 usage of
industries
Use synonyms
 is chemicals in both
groundwater
Use synonyms
 and public supply. In detail, the least
amount
Use synonyms
 of
water
Use synonyms
 usage in public supply is fuel and textiles at the same
amount
Use synonyms
 with 10
while
Linking Words
 fuel in
groundwater
Use synonyms
 uses
water
Use synonyms
 with 70 or
amount
Use synonyms
 of seven times and textiles with 80 or
amount
Use synonyms
 of eight times as public supply. Looking at details, the highest annual utilised
water
Use synonyms
 by
industries
Use synonyms
 is chemicals in both
groundwater
Use synonyms
 and public supply, with 430 and 240 respectively. Machinery which uses
water
Use synonyms
 in public supply is ten times as in
groundwater
Use synonyms
, with composed 100 to 10. In conclusion,
groundwater
Use synonyms
 is the main source for most
industries
Use synonyms
, except food/drinks and machinery.
Submitted by champperkhu on

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industries, groundwater, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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