it is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. do you think the advantage of taking risks outweights the disadvantages?
Taking
risk
is believed to be the same as taking a leap of faith. Whether it is in a personal or professional matter, everybody will face a different kind of Correct article usage
a risk
risk
in every decision they take. Some people believe that making a frisky decision is price worthy
. Add a hyphen
price-worthy
This
will be proven by how feeling fulfiled
and relieved after Correct your spelling
fulfilled
taking
a big decision overshadows the safety of staying within our zone.
When a person is afraid to Correct your spelling
making
risk
the step he takes, they will back out and try to find more
convenient and low-Add an article
a more
the more
risk
way.a
Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, a manager decides to use the old strategy to market his product rather than take advantage of building a relationship with other companies. The manager might not fail to market the product, but he will lose the chance of getting a bigger outcome that he possibly acquire
if he Correct subject-verb agreement
acquires
chose
the latter option. Wrong verb form
chooses
Hence
, taking a rocky road is worthy
Replace the word
worth
of
the price.
Change preposition
apply
In contrast
, when people decide to take an extreme path to get more benefits, they are already successed
Correct your spelling
successful
to fight
their fear of losing and becoming their bigger selves. Change preposition
in fighting
For example
, a student is afraid to submit her application letter to a notable university as the acceptance rate is very low, yet she still do
it anyway because she does not want to be a big fish in a small pond if she applies at a smaller university. Change the verb form
does
Thus
, she might be failing, but it is always relieving to try on something you really want to achieve. Finally
, it is better to accept our failure after taking a risk
rather than wondering about what might have happened if we took the challenge.
In conclusion, choosing a riskier path is utterly scary as it prones
to failure. Correct your spelling
prone
proves
However
, the delightful feelings that we get when we are brave enough to chase a better outcome overshadows
the contentment of staying in Change the verb form
overshadow
comfort
zone. Correct pronoun usage
our comfort
Finally
, we need to be wise when taking highly-risked opportunity
and understand the consequences beforehand.Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. While the overall structure is evident, transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother to better guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion to frame your essay, which was done satisfactorily. Ensure that they succinctly state the topic and summarize the main points.
coherence cohesion
Support each of your main points with clear examples or explanations. Although you provided some examples, they could be more detailed and relevant to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Strive for a complete response to the task. It seems you have understood the task but partially addressed the prompt. You should discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in a more balanced way.
task achievement
Your essay should articulate ideas clearly and comprehensively. Work on expressing your points more clearly, avoiding ambiguity and ensuring that each paragraph has one clear main idea.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively where possible. This increases the persuasiveness of your essay. The examples given were a step in the right direction but lacked depth and specificity.
Your opinion
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