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Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money
A group of individuals present the view that accepting
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
unpleasant circumstances
such
 as an undesirable career or low income is the best way to tolerate the situation,
whereas
 others believe that it is highly beneficial to make an effort to boost the status. I strongly agree with the latter opinion. On the one hand, some
people
 justifiably argue that
people
 should refuse anything they are not happy with
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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. As one’s only
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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 once, so they must live it in the best way, it applies to one’s career as well.
Furthermore
, if every worker
refused
Wrong verb form
refuses
show examples
 to work with low wages or unrealistic working hours, the managers will be forced to deal with
this
 and improve their offers.
Moreover
, some research findings confirm that working or studying in an unpleasant environment can lead to mental health problems
such
 as depression and anxiety.
On the other hand
, another group of
people
 claim that there are several reasons why a person might deal with an unsatisfactory profession or lack of money.
Firstly
, when an individual is not fully qualified,
so that
Correct word choice
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they have no choice except
endure
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to endure
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 their
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
.
Secondly
, in today’s competitive market, opportunities do not meet with the higher number of applicants.
Consequently
, managers will always find an alternative for an unskilled employee.
Finally
, job satisfaction is not that realistic as it cannot be expected that everyone will be happy in their job
due to
 low salary or long working hours.
To conclude
, in my view,
people
 should not accept disappointing conditions. It is one’s right to live happily in order to have a sense of freedom.
Moreover
, some individuals are forced to bear their unwanted situation.
Submitted by shabnam.sohanian on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully developed and expanded upon, providing clear arguments and detailed examples to enhance the task response score.
Coherence & Cohesion
Strive for a more cohesive flow of ideas with clearer topic sentences and a logical progression of thought.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on effectively concluding the essay by not introducing new reasons in the final paragraph but summarizing the main points discussed.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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