IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that team sports are better for children’s development than individual sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#people #team #sports #children’s #development
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In
this
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 day and
age
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age,
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 it is popular to discuss whether it is more
favorable
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favourable
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 for the
children
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’s well-being to take some kinds of
sports
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 which include working as a whole
team
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 in comparison with the
sports
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 including individual style. I partly agree with
this
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 notion and I think that both types of
sports
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 play
valuable
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a valuable
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 role in the lives of the
children
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. On the one hand, there is a view by
majority
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the majority
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 of people that
sports
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, which are mainly connected with teams, are more suitable for the growth of youngsters. First and foremost, these types of activities help
children
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 to learn about collaboration. To be specific, working as a
team
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direct
Correct subject-verb agreement
directs
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 them to support each other and do all the actions together.
Secondly
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, being a member of the
team
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 the
children
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 to learn about social skills. To cite an example, the football club “Arsenal”, where there are a lot of young players, supports them not only in football pitches
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 in interactive games and activities after each football match, which strengthen their social skills.
However
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, the kinds of
sports
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, which are individual, are
also
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 essential in the
developing
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development
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 of
children
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in
Change preposition
for
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 the following reasons. Individual games,
such
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 as chess or tennis, give the youngsters opportunity for deep focus which helps them to
be concentrated
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concentrate
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,
whereas
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 it is difficult to do in
team
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sports
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.
Also
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, the
children
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, participating in individual games, are conscious about self-reliance where they rely only on their own powers and resources. Another beneficial point the
children
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 can acquire through having individual
sports
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 is personal accountability. In
this
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case
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case,
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 they learn about
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
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 responsibilities for their actions. In conclusion, taking into consideration both types of
sports
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, as individual and
team
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, I believe that both are important in the development of youngsters.
Submitted by zavkidm on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Use transition words to help the reader follow your arguments.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include an introduction and conclusion in your essays to frame your arguments effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Make sure you respond completely to the task prompt, covering all parts of the question.
Task Achievement
Express your ideas clearly and ensure they are well-developed throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Incorporate relevant examples to bolster your arguments and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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