IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving abroad to study in expensive private universities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

#people #study #universities #trend
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An increasing number of
people
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 have a great desire to study in lucrative private educational institutions that are located overseas.
Although
Linking Words
 there may be some drawbacks as culture shock
with
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apply
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homesickness and financial burden it is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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preferable
due to
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 the reasons of cultural exchange with essential networking and getting holistic development with enhancing
of
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apply
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language proficiency. On the one hand, studying abroad has some negative things, connected with culture shock and financial burden. Relying on the former
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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there is the feeling of disorientation and sudden meeting with
unfamiliar
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an unfamiliar
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 way of life or set of attitudes of local
people
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.
Moreover
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, being in another country it is the students who feel homesickness caused by an actual separation from home. At the same
time
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time,
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 these
people
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 have difficulties with finances, connected not only with
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education
Add an article
the education
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 process
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 with living expenses. Having
aforementioned
Correct article usage
the aforementioned
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 issues,
the
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apply
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individuals, studying abroad, have to be prepared
to
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for
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 all barriers.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 development has some beneficial sides. To start with cultural exchange and networking, during the studying
process
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process,
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 young
people
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 may have the connection between two countries to stimulate mutual understanding.
Also
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, it can help them to interact and develop professional and social contacts.
Secondly
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, students, having
this
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 opportunity to get
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
education
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 abroad can receive
holistic
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a holistic
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education
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 that means personal growth involving academic, emotional, social, and cultural dimensions. Simultaneously, it gives them the chance to improve and develop acquired language.
Thus
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, all the factors that mostly have positive outcomes of
this
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 development
is
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are
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 acceptable for young
people
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 to the
education
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 overseas
that is
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 in high level. In conclusion,
while
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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studying abroad can have some downsides, connected with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 culture and loneliness, it, probably, has more benefits , considering the importance of exchange between two cultures and getting the
education
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, including all the necessary factors.
Submitted by zavkidm on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear and logical structure, with well-organized paragraphs. The introduction should set the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion must clearly summarize your points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Improve the cohesion of the essay by more effectively using linking words and phrases to help connect ideas and paragraphs. This can also create a more seamless reading experience.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed and relevant examples. While general statements are made, the essay would benefit from specific examples that clearly illustrate the points being discussed.
task achievement
Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt. While the essay discusses advantages and disadvantages, more balance and depth in exploring each point could better illustrate the comparative weight of advantages versus disadvantages.
task achievement
Clarify and develop ideas further to provide a comprehensive insight into the topic. Aim for depth in discussion, and ensure that each paragraph adds meaningful information to the overall argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to demonstrate the points made. This adds credibility and depth to the discussion, showing a clear understanding of the real-world implications of the subject matter.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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