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Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people think that students should be allowed to choose the subjects that they study in school, whereas others feel that they should study a set curriculum. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed that
students
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 should have permission to choose the
subject
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 that they study in school,
while
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 others think that the curriculum should be chosen. In my opinion, I agree that
students
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 need to have a right to pick the lessons.
Curriculum
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The curriculum
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 has a wide range of subjects for
students
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 to learn. It results
to
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in
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 a drawback where
students
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 would easily get tired of studying. To illustrate, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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students
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 do not like to learn mathematics which
is
Verb problem
makes it
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 hard for them to assimilate the knowledge.
However
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, at the same time, they need a great academic to get highly
further
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 education.
As a result
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, an additional course is needed where sometimes, they would study more than 3 hours.
Consequently
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,
students
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 are only focusing only on academics where the non-academics would be forgotten.
In contrast
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,
students
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 are still
in
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at
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 young ages where choosing their
subject
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 is an opportunity to
know
Verb problem
learn
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 more about their passions. Each student has different talents, if they have a
change
Correct your spelling
chance
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 to choose subjects that they like, they tend to focus on one
specialication
Correct your spelling
specialisation
specialization
.
For instance
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, the majority of schools in America
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
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 freedom to
students
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 where they can choose any
subject
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 that they like. Because of that, many of them already know about their talents or hobbies. If they pick an art
subject
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, they will focus on something
that is
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 related to drawing or painting. In conclusion, the syllabus at a school totally affects
students
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. The effects lead to the future of the
students
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 about their dreams in the future.

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Task Achievement
The essay response displays a basic understanding of the task but fails to fully develop all parts of the prompt. To improve task achievement, ensure that both viewpoints and your own opinion are clearly explained, fully developed, and adequately supported with specific examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
While the essay attempts to organize ideas, the logical flow and connections between them are weak. To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on creating a clearer structure with well-defined paragraphs, make sure to use linking words effectively, and aim for a more comprehensive introduction and conclusion.
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