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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The pie chart show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.

The pie chart show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.
#show #consistency #two #dinners
The given pie charts reveal the comparison of nutritional that contained in two different
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of foods:
medium
 baked
potato
 and
macaroni
. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foods have
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
rates of carbohydrates, protein, glucose, saturated fat, and other nutrients that
does
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not explained. Those two dinners have a high level of carbohydrates, which dominated the
overall
 percentage.
Medium
 baked
potato
 and
macaroni
 are both predominated by carbohydrates, which are more than a third (35%) and more than a half (52%) respectively.
On the other hand
, protein content in
medium
 baked
potato
 is bigger than in
macaroni
, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a quarter (25%) and more than one in ten (11%).
Moreover
,
medium
 baked
potato
 and
macaroni
 have a wide gap
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the level of saturated fat, which at only one in ten for the
potato
 and 21% contained in
macaroni
.
Furthermore
,
glucose
Correct article usage
the glucose
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contained in both dinners
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 almost
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the same amount. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted
15
Change preposition
for 15
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Add an article
a medium
show examples
medium baked
Add a hyphen
medium-baked
show examples
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
 and 11%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
macaroni
.
However
, other nutrients that
does
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not explained in the figure contained 15% in
medium
 baked
potato
 and only 5% in
macaroni
.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words medium, potato, macaroni with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "explained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
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