IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.

The pie chart show the nutritional consistency of two dinners.
The given pie charts reveal the comparison of nutritional that contained in two different
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
show examples
 of foods:
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 and
macaroni
Use synonyms
. Both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foods have
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
rates of carbohydrates, protein, glucose, saturated fat, and other nutrients that
does
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not explained. Those two dinners have a high level of carbohydrates, which dominated the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage.
Medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 and
macaroni
Use synonyms
 are both predominated by carbohydrates, which are more than a third (35%) and more than a half (52%) respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, protein content in
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 is bigger than in
macaroni
Use synonyms
, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 a quarter (25%) and more than one in ten (11%).
Moreover
Linking Words
,
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 and
macaroni
Use synonyms
 have a wide gap
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the level of saturated fat, which at only one in ten for the
potato
Use synonyms
 and 21% contained in
macaroni
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
glucose
Correct article usage
the glucose
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
contained in both dinners
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 almost
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the same amount. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
accounted
15
Change preposition
for 15
show examples
%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
a medium
show examples
medium baked
Add a hyphen
medium-baked
show examples
Use synonyms
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
 and 11%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
macaroni
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, other nutrients that
does
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not explained in the figure contained 15% in
medium
Use synonyms
 baked
potato
Use synonyms
 and only 5% in
macaroni
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words medium, potato, macaroni with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "explained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: